Past Love (1st Extract)

It was getting late and I didn’t want to leave, but I knew I had to. Even though he didn’t ask me to, I knew my stay was coming to an end and as much as I was enjoying his company, I wasn’t going to overstay my welcome. We laughed and spoke all evening, even now as he repeats a story from our school memories, I find myself weary of the time. It must have began to show on my face, because he stopped speaking and raised his eyebrow. A thing he did when he knew I was zoning out.

“I’m sorry Julian, it’s just I realised it was getting late and I’ve got to be going.”
“You’ve got to go already?”
I looked down at my phone which lay on a small table just in front of the couch and saw the actual time: 22:36. Yeah, it was definitely about time I left. “I’m afraid so, you know if I could stay, I would.”
I began standing up from the couch, stretching my legs whilst grabbing my phone, checking if I had all my belongings, when Julian stood up with me.
“Are you sure you have to go Deanne? I can drop you home if it gets too late for you to be walking the streets?”
“I’m sure you would, but it’s best if I leave now.” He started pouting, making me giggle. “Hey! There’s always next week.”
“Yeah I know Dee, but I just wish you could stay a while longer.”

Julian and I had only recently rekindled our friendship of five years after bumping into each other at an event. We exchanged numbers and it was almost as though the six years of not seeing each other hadn’t even occurred. Nothing had changed between us apart from the fact we grew up and were adults, but we were exactly the same as we were back when we went to school together. Of course we’d grown mentally but also physically. Julian was never unattractive back in school. He was one of those boys who were spoken about in whispers, because he seemed so focused on his education, all thoughts of having a girlfriend was constantly thrown out of the window. Especially when he was asked to prom and he confessed he wasn’t attending; it was only then when everyone knew he wasn’t the average teenage boy and images of being his girlfriend was shattered. But that didn’t stop females from talking about the ‘what if’s’. It was only when we were paired for an assignment was when our friendship grew and built into a beautiful picture.
For years we were close, but with our career paths being so different it was no surprise when we lost communication. So, when I saw him suited and booted, I was more than shocked. Ever since that moment, we’ve been catching up as much as possible. The time we spent was never enough, but we always knew there was another day.

“I wish I could too, but don’t worry I’ll be back.”
I gave him a smile and then went to go and get my coat, trying to be discreetly quick so I didn’t delay anymore time than I had already done. He followed me to where my coat was hung and sighed.
“Dee can’t you just stay for another hour, I promise you I’ll drop you home?”
I gave him a hug, resting my head on his well-built chest and gave him a light squeeze.
“I promise I’ll see you soon, just text me okay?”
He wrapped his arms around me, and grumbled making me laugh again. His arms weren’t big, but for someone of my frame, I was drowned in his embrace. Knowing time was of the essence, I began loosening my grip signalling to leave, but instead Julian tightened his. I lifted my head to look up at him; surprised at the look he was giving me. His hazel eyes were dark and his body grew rigid in an instant. My breath got caught in my throat under his gaze. If what I thought was going to happen, actually happened, leaving was something I had to do and fast.
“I really don’t want you to go…”
His voice was deep and husky, full of desire and hunger. This only became apparent to me when his hands began moving towards my hips and lower back. Were there signs that I had missed previously? Or did I see them but ignore them? Because I was finding it hard understanding how we went from two friends rekindling their friendship over a meal, to me trapped in his embrace and not even finding the voice of reason in my head to tell him to stop. Even now as I stand looking into his eyes, I find myself tempted to see how deep his desire ran for me. There were enough reasons for me to reject his affection, and walk out on him. Yet, none ever significant enough for me to do so, and that’s why I found myself slowly unwinding under his gaze, each latch unlocking itself allowing snippets of desire to seep through my body.
My heartbeat had intensified, every beat stronger than the previous one, making me conscious that he could feel it as we were chest to chest. A wave of tingling heat ran through my body once, but once was enough. Every sense awoke with a roar, all sending the same request to my mind.

“Julian-”
He held my chin in his hand, using his thumb to gently stroke my skin that had grown sensitive, all the while lifting my head to his, closing the gap between the both of us. “Don’t go.”
His eyes burned through me, shutting down every command of sense, leaving me vulnerable and open to his needs. Another wave ran through my body, but this time only waking up the one thing I feared. My core awoke aroused, aching for some attention and affection, causing my whole body to clench and tighten. He slowly came close to me, bringing our bodies together, allowing me to fully appreciate his body and build and also the hard bulge that had appeared in his trousers. In a flash, my body had gone into flight mode. My legs began moving involuntarily towards the door, in a last poor attempt to take myself out of the situation I’d found myself in.
“Julian, I can’t.”
But nothing seemed to work, in fact the more I tried to protest against it, the more he clung onto me, allowing myself to understand what I’d done to his body. I managed to make my way to the door, in hope I could gather my thoughts and leave before things got further than I could handle. I used my left hand to feel for the doorknob and slightly turned it, with my face still in his hands, his breath so close to me at this point. The door began opening, when a slight force pushed it back, closing it. It was then I knew all attempts of leaving were clearly non-existent. The importance of time had slipped my mind and I seemed to have lost myself in the moment with Julian. Something I’m sure I’d regret eventually, but for now, my body was eager for his touch, hungry for someone to take some of the pressure off, and the only candidate worthy of doing so was Julian.
“Just once Deanne.”
I bit my lip and looked back at him. Noticing how his hunger had grown into a carnal desire. Nobody had looked at me like that for so long, or had even begged for my presence that I found myself nodding at his request. His chest rose and fell with steadily increasing speed, as he got closer to my lips. I closed my eyes, waiting…waiting for something to give me reason towards my irrational actions. And it was only when his lips touched mine, was when everything went clear. My body had stopped screaming demands and my mind had no longer wondered about my actions, in that moment I just wanted more. A little bit more. I wanted to taste his lips and find out what more they could do to me. The kiss started off as small pecks, but grew as our passion began to overflow. I hadn’t noticed when my back was against the door, but being stuck between the door and his body, gave me little to no room to move around freely and whenever I did move, I seemed to brush passed his bulge. Every slight shift I made caused a quiet groan to escape his lips.  But it still wasn’t enough. I needed more. Needed to know what it was about Julian that made me behave in a way that was foreign to me. So I went on my toes to receive his kiss in full, but by doing so meant his bulge was pressed hard between my legs, teasing my centre.

If I had any sort of thought about leaving, it had definitely disappeared, as he began moving back and forth between my legs. A whimper fell off my lips with each thrust, causing him to deepen each movement. He raised his left hand into my hair and softly tugged at it, revealing my bare neck, whilst his right hand held my behind. He used his teeth to pull on my bottom lip tenderly, then once he was far enough, he let go and moved to my neck, nibbling, licking and kissing his way through each of my barriers and right to my core.
“God, Dee you’re so sweet.”
He continued kissing my neck, nibbling just a little harder than before, showing me his patience was beginning to wear thin. His grasp on my behind had tightened, almost lifting me off of my feet, giving him a better feel. My hands struggled to stay in one place. One moment they were flat against his back and the next they were under his shirt. His lips sent sparks of ecstasy through my skin, causing me to push my body against his own, again teasing him and myself. He groaned, pulling himself away from me and looked down at me, with eyes dark craving eyes. I looked back at him, not completely sure how to process what we were doing. I had a home to get to and I’m sure time was far later than what it was when I last checked, but it didn’t seem as though I’d be able to get home anytime soon. A little voice spoke quietly enough for me to hear, letting me know problems will only get worse if I go through with this escapade with Julian. But how much more worse could things get? I’d already opened up to him, given him the opportunity to explore my emotions, my body and my mouth; what was the point of shying away now?

“Dee I won’t stop if I start…” He spoke tightly, evident that his control was close to snapping and needed my approval before he could take it as far as he pleased. This was the time. If I wanted to leave (which I should), this would be the perfect time to push him away, apologise for leading him this far and go home. But I stood still, knowing I wasn’t going to leave. I was too turned on to rationalise my thoughts.
“Then don’t stop.”
It was like those words flicked a switch in his mind. The thin barrier that I had held up against him, stopping him from pursuing his feelings broke effortlessly. In a somewhat growl, he dropped his hand from my hair to my behind. Using both hands, he lifted me up, like I weighed nothing and sat me firmly on his hips. In silence, he walked me towards what I assumed was his bedroom and kicked open the door, breathing heavily. Once we got inside of his room, he used his feet to close the door and then laid me on his bed, crawling over me, getting a full view of my face.
“You ready Dee?”

*************************

I awoke when I felt arms wrap around my naked body. The sheets beneath me were silk and smooth, which was my first alarm that I wasn’t in my own bed. Then images flooded back into my mind and the voice that was so quiet the night before was screaming loudly this morning. I messed up, so badly. It wasn’t Marcus’ hands that were draped around me, it was Julian’s. We’d had sex multiple times, until I couldn’t take no more. He kept whispering sweet things in my ear, letting me know that we should be together, not Marcus and I. How he would do everything in his power to prove to me that I should stay with him and at the time it all made sense. Marcus and I hadn’t been on good terms, especially when I realised he had cheated on me with Bernice, a female he met one night and had accidentally ended up in her bed. But I was as bad as he was.
And even though I knew I shouldn’t be kissing Julian, I found myself screaming his name in his pillow for a third time when he’d made me reach my climax. Even as I blissfully fell back to earth, he was there waiting for me. Ready to take me away once again, until it was something I couldn’t live without. Just before I’d slept, my head laid lazily on his sweaty chest, his fingers ran through my hair that had gotten clammy during our intimacy and our bodies lay closely to each other.

“Don’t go back to him Dee, I need you. I’ve needed you for a while, but I just couldn’t find where you were. I never wanted to lose contact with you, my life just got busy and before I was aware, your number wasn’t in my phone.”
I nodded, too tired to speak but not tired enough to fall asleep yet.
“I always wanted you, I was just waiting for the right time, but there never was one and that’s because I never made one available. Then I saw you and knew everything might actually fall back into place, but you were with Marcus. And I knew he was treating you badly because of the way he barely paid attention to you that night. It was then I knew my chance hadn’t completely gone, because I was going to do everything in my power to take you from him and treat you how you are meant to be treated.”
I didn’t respond, but I heard everything he’d said. That night Marcus was more occupied with friends and females than me and I’d just smiled pushing my hurt far from my mind. Then I saw Julian and everything changed. Marcus had suddenly placed his arm over my waist, stopping me from embracing Julian. He made himself known and then was quick to pull me from Julian. But when he’d gone toilet was when Julian had caught me and we’d managed to speak and exchange numbers.
Marcus caught us mid-way through a discussion and wasn’t happy, but I didn’t care, Julian was a friend of mine, a close friend…well I wasn’t sure what he was now, but then he was a friend not a threat.

“Jay…” The words slipped out of my mouth but nothing else followed through, my body had grown tired and I was through with the mental battle that was already occurring within myself. My eyes closed and my chest softly rose and fell, succumbing to the sleep that was about to take over.
“Promise me one thing Dee?” I nodded and he continued, “Don’t go back to him.” And then the sleep took me.
But now I was wide-awake and I wasn’t sure what I was doing with myself. Would I stay here with Julian or return back to Marcus, who most probably burned my phone with calls and messages. I tried to look around the room for my phone with my eyes, so I didn’t wake up Julian, but that didn’t work. He pulled me close to him, so close that I felt his breath blow the little hairs on the back of my neck. His lips soon replaced his breath; kissing my neck, causing me to involuntarily smile.

“Morning Dee.”
“Jay…”
“Mm?”
“I think I need to go.” He tightened his hold on me and shook his head, not wanting me to leave.
“Don’t Dee.”
“I have to, I need to sort myself out. I need things to fix and solve – you know I have to.”
He sighed and loosened his hold on my body. “Just because I know, doesn’t mean I want you to.”
I sat up, using the sheets to cover my body whilst I looked for my clothes that were scattered around his bedroom floor. This was not me, I didn’t do flings or one night stands. But Julian made sure if things went the way he wanted them to be, it wouldn’t be for one night, this was what was in store for me for the rest of my life. There was far too much to think about, would I leave a relationship of three years over a mistake and run to the next guy who seemed to make everything feel good in that moment, or would I try and work through things with Marcus? I most definitely needed to go.
“I’ll call you when things get clearer.”
I saw my underwear scrunched on the ground and took the opportunity to grab it, whilst getting the rest of my other clothes on. He sat up as I dressed and watched me pick up my clothes and belongings, almost like I was a prostitute gathering their items after a client had finished their hour with them.
“You know I don’t want you to leave Deanne?”
“I know Julian,” I said exasperated, this was too much for me to handle and it probably wasn’t even 8AM yet. “I don’t even know what I’m doing. My body just wants to get back in bed with you, my heart is confused and my head is telling me to go and sort everything out before I act. I don’t know what to do anymore Julian, but I do know I can’t do what I did last night again.”

He threw the sheets off of him and got up, walking towards me. I held my hand out to stop him from getting any closer, but that didn’t stop him. Instead he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards his naked body.
“I’m sorry for putting you through this situation Dee, and I understand it isn’t easy. So I will let you go, I can’t stop you from going back home to him, but I just want you to remember what’s here waiting for you.”
He moved my hand down towards his shaft, which was hard and pulsating already. My eyes followed my arm and watched as it came alive and twitched in my grip. My hand clasped his shaft tightly, causing him to inhale a sharp breath. Here was my body working  before my mind had time to tell it to stop and be sensible. I looked back up at him and watched his face flex in pleasure, eyes shut and throat gulping large balls of desire. I released him and stepped back, scared of what more he could make me do without my knowledge. His eyes opened and back was the stare filled with hunger and greed.

“Julian stop doing that.”
“Doing what?” He was about to take a step close to me, and as he did I simultaneously took a step back.
“Julian you aren’t being fair, you aren’t giving me a chance to think.”
“I don’t want you to think.” He stepped forward, causing me to step back.
“But I need to think. If you really care about me like you’ve said, then you’ll respect that and let me leave.” He stopped moving and sighed. Rock hard and tense, he looked at me, then himself and then took a few steps back, giving me space to breath.
“Fine.”
He began helping me gather my clothes, whilst putting his own on. Once we were more composed, I wore my coat and opened the door, ready to leave. I turned around one last time and watched Julian watch me, still hard, still tense but with a slight look of worry. I gave him a small smile and then left, ready to face Marcus and his anger.

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun

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