Toxic – Part 1

Do you ever get that feeling when you know what is wrong, and you try so hard to stay away from that – but everything in life is pulling you closer to the wrong? No matter how many times I turn away from the temptation, or ignore the constant opportunities, the more I’m faced with it, the more I feel myself growing weak. With each opportunity I pass, I feel myself opening up to the idea more and more.

I am a loyal woman, never been swayed by temptation (baring in mind I don’t get many temptations). But then he presented himself to me, and after all the pushing I did, it seemed as though I couldn’t push him no more. I knew in every part of my body that he was wrong, toxic for me. No one has ever made me question my marriage, no one has ever made me want more. Yet, here I was watching him, watch me from across the room whilst he sat with his friends.

It was a girls night out, I felt I needed the space – with my head clogged up with all this confusion, getting out and forgetting for one night didn’t seem like a bad plan. But here I was, thinking about him again. I didn’t know he’d be here. If I did, I sure as hell wouldn’t have come here, but here he was and my girls were already ordering drinks. We located a table close to where he sat amongst his friends and drank.

It wasn’t as though I could drink, I needed a sober mind if I was going to be in the same room as him. I didn’t want to do anything that would jeopardise my marriage. My girls had started to take off their jackets and began dancing to the music of the club – me on the other hand sat still, battling with my inner demons. A quiet voice screaming at me to leave, but the demons caressing my muscles telling me to stay, no harm in watching and enticing yourself with something you’d never had and never will. My best friend Clarissa tugged on my shoulder, pulling me out of my deep thoughts and forced a glass of drink in my hand.

“Oi! Stop being so boring and drink!”

I hadn’t told Clarissa about Mike. There was nothing proud about my feelings about him to share, so I made sure I’d kept him hidden, like a dark secret you didn’t want anyone knowing about, yet was always in everyone’s face. I gave her a small smile and put the cup on the table.

“Sasha what are you doing! It is your night off for once, enjoy it – why are you sitting there like a prune?” She shouted over the music. I gave her another shrug and looked away from Mike who was watching our every move. She lifted the glass off of the table and forced them near my lips.
“You will drink Sasha! You are not going to be like this throughout the night – not on my watch.”

Before I could protest, she’d found an opening with my mouth and began pouring the drink, as I tried to lean away from her offer. She almost climbed on top of me to ensure the liquid went all the way down my throat. By now, not only was Mike, but his friends also had started to watch the show. The liquid burnt my throat as it intruded its way inside my body. As it slid its way to the bottom, small flames ignited on the inside of my body causing me to feel warmer than I had a few minutes ago. Clarissa was laughing now as my face grew tense with the burn that came with the drink. Her hand fell behind her and before I knew it, she was pressing another glass cup to my lips.

I shook my head furiously, trying to push her off of me, but failed as she had now taken seat on my laps and was begging me to drink.
“For me Sasha, please drink one more and then we can have some fun.”
I looked at her and then thought of Josh, my husband. He was never too fond of Clarissa, felt as though she was always pushing me to do things I never wanted to do. And he was never too sure what her sexuality was and for that fact, he never liked to leave me alone with her for too long. He always said he saw a look in her eyes that I never seemed to notice. But I could never vouch for that – me and Clarissa had been best friends for almost ten years, and within those years I had never thought she swung for the same team.

But as she pouted and came closer to me to make me drink, I saw a flash of who Josh had been seeing all those times ago. I opened my mouth to not only receive the drink but to drown the many voices in my head that were screaming far too many things at me. After the drink had disappeared, she wiped a drop that had escaped my lips and licked her finger. Smiling, she got off and walked to where our other friends were dancing.

Too embarrassed to look at Mike, I took my jacket off to busy my hands and stared directly at the table. He was still watching me – this time I’m sure he had a look of hunger in his eyes. It had only been a second that I looked at him, but I knew how this night was going to end. I had lost the will to fight against what my body craved for, what it thought would heal it. I took a deep breath and hoped he didn’t make his way to me, but I knew sooner or later there would be nothing stopping him, and he’d come and get what he truly wanted.

After a while, the girls returned from dancing and were all hyped. I had managed to drink a glass or two more and then watched them all chatter. Then one of Mike’s friend had approached us.
“Hello ladies.”
“OOOOooooOOOO, what can we do for you today?” Aimee said, giving him what I was sure was her most alluring face.
“Well me and my friends were getting a little bored and saw how much fun you were having and wanted to see if we could come and join you?”
“NO!” Was the voice that screamed in my head, yet my lips didn’t move in reality, instead, I watched as the girls eyed up the guys and invited them over. My heart thumped so hard in my chest, I wasn’t too sure if it was drink or the fear I had of knowing Mike was walking straight towards me – either way, I knew my heart could not slow down.

All the guys had paired themselves with a lady, others making a triplet as the women were more in numbers that the men. Mike sat close, too close to me. I tried to ignore the heat that radiated off of him as our skin brushed, but all it did was make me tingle – inside and out. Everyone chatted whilst me and Mike sat silently watching the party in front of us. Then before I was aware, Mike had grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him. The minor touch did wonders too my body, I tried to block out what it made me feel, but who was I to fight something that seemed so inevitable.

“You smell beautiful tonight Sasha.” His face pressed against my neck, so close that as he spoke his lips gently slid across my skin. I bit my lip and prayed for something to intervene, even if it was a funny look from Clarissa, anything to make me know this was a bad idea. Yet, everyone was far too enticed with their own guy to notice me. I nodded my head in thanks and felt his breath on my neck. I tried not to lean into his touch, into his warmth, into what felt like home, but before I knew it, my eyes were closed and I had leaned my head on his to feel his hair caress my cheek. He chuckled and moved to my left ear.

“You’re not fighting me off no more?”
I looked at him, watched his face analyse mine and couldn’t help but touch him. His eyes closed as my fingers trailed little touches of flames onto his skin. He opened his eyes and stared at me waiting for an answer, waiting for me to allow him to have me. Somehow, I always thought it would be him that would take me as soon as he had the chance, but here he was giving me the power, asking me whether he had permission to have me. I tried to find ‘No’ in my mind, but all I could see was ‘Yes’ and there was still a little voice within me that was telling me not to do what I wanted to do so much. I took a deep breath and came close to his lips.
“I should be fighting you off, you’re no good for me.”
A wicked smile grew on his lips and he came closer to my lips that were parted ready for him to enter inside.
“I’m no good for you now?”
“No,” I said smiling. Who had I become? Entertaining the devils dance? Knowing what was right and what was wrong. Whoever told you you’re conscious drowns out when you’re tempted was lying. The closer our lips got together, the clearer I could hear my mind scream ‘no!’ – yet it was me now that had chosen it to shut up. I forced the rebellious screams deep inside a room within my head and locked the door, leaving just my desire and Mike alone. “You are no good, but I can’t fight you off anymore.”

As the words came out my mouth in a rush, his lips met mine in a hurry. His hunger seeped through his lips and onto my own. His arm that was wrapped around my waist, had now moved towards my bum, squeezing what he could, whilst my arms found their way around his neck. I heard screams and laughter, but I couldn’t seem to pull myself away from Mike. I slipped my hands between his legs, trying to get a feel of what I was sure to come later on tonight. He moved to my neck and growled at me.
“Don’t Sasha.”
Once I had found the bulge that I had dreamt about for nearly every night for a year, I couldn’t stop myself. Rubbing on it, trying to imagine the whole length, his hand stopped mine abruptly. He pulled away from me and looked at my face. My lips now plump from the kissing, my body now scorching hot from our intimacy, now sat vibrating waiting for him to make the next move. The voice that had been screaming no in my head, was now whispering no, whilst hoping he kissed me again. If my conscious wouldn’t fight against him, what chance did I have? My inner logic had now crumpled onto the floor clutching her legs shut whilst saying no, but wanting more.

He grabbed my hand and led me outside. It was only by a second that I had managed to grab my jacket and bag and left with Mike. No one was entirely sure where we were off too, I signalled the smoking area, but neither I or Mike smoked. But who was to question when they all probably witnessed their married friend kiss another man.

Once we were outside, Mike hauled a cab and gave them an address and before I knew it, we were inside sitting in silence, but our bodies screaming for so much more. I dared to look at Mike and see that look he had on his face that showed he was going to devour every inch of my body. His hand still clutched onto mine, with a pain that oozed with ecstasy. I knew he was hanging on by a thread and if the cab man hadn’t got us to where we needed to be, Mike would take me right here.

I looked at him slowly, and was taken back when our eyes met. There was no stopping us anymore. Even if I was starting to doubt my actions, there was no way Mike would let me go. I was about to cheat on my husband with his brother and no voice of reasoning was going to stop us.

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun

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The Talk

She wanted to get off from being on top of him, so that they could focus on the conversation, be he insisted she stayed on top of him. He didn’t want her to get too serious, he knew what conversation was coming up, and he was fine with that, but he didn’t want her putting distance between them already…so he refused her to get off him, because he wanted her close.

She looked down and mentally planned how she would tackle their situation. She didn’t want to force him into anything, but she just didn’t want this to be meaningless sex, but with that in mind…what did she want? She sighed and ran her hands through her hair.

‘Don’t think too much, I don’t like it when you over think. Just get it all off your chest, trust me it’ll be okay.’ She gave him a small smile, still looking down. ‘Now give me a kiss and talk.’ She looked up to him, and planted gentle kisses on his lips, once the kissing had stopped, which took longer than planned she spoke.

‘Your different,’ already he was smiling, his wolfish grin appeared making her smile. He knew she meant different in a good way, and he knew how difficult this was for her so he was going to make her feel as comfortable as possible. ‘You make me do things I’ve never imagined of doing. Like yesterday night, it’s almost like you knew how to get me to do what you wanted, then to make everything even more confusing I was enjoying it. Maybe more than I should have, but…damn, Lyle you just have something over me.’ His wolfish grin had gone and he was really listening to her, but as soon as she said his name his manhood had twitched, the way his name came off her lips was something else. But he controlled himself and thought about everything he’d do to her later.

‘Do you not enjoy what I do to you?’ She gulped and nodded, feeling knots within her stomach, he was such a man, dominant and affectionate all in one. ‘So what are you afraid of?’ She looked down knowing the exact answer for that question; he held her face and made her look at him. She sighed and closed her eyes.

‘I’m afraid that this is all futile, it’s just fun and that’s all.’ He caressed her face and took a deep breathe, he wasn’t too sure himself as to what this was, but he knew he didn’t want to let go of it. He never knew when he’d find something like this again. He kissed her forehead and searched for the best answer.

‘I don’t know what this is, but it’s early to worry about what it’ll end up as, just know that I don’t want to let this go…you’ve given me something that no one has ever given me, and that along with other reasons are why I don’t want to let this…you go.’ She opened her eyes slowly and smiled, it’s true, there was no real reason to panic, they only just slept with each other twice, and she’s technically known him for two days, or a day, so she took a deep breath and kissed him. He gave her another one of his wolfish grins and lay back making her lay on top of him.

‘So what’s your name beautiful? You already know I’m Lyle.’ She chuckled and remembered they had skipped formal greetings and just jumped straight into the sack with each other.

‘I’m Kaitlin, I forget we haven’t actually introduced ourselves properly.’ He chuckled and held her bum smiling.

‘Well, I’m not complaining, I knew we’d get to know each other sooner or later.’ She smiled and then remembered their first meeting.

‘What were you doing there yesterday night?’ He remembered sitting at that table as his friend conversed with people he had no interest in. He sat there for hours and was sure to give up when he caught a glimpse of her, sitting there alone, looking as bored as he was. That’s when his night changed.

‘My friend invited me, I think he thought it would be good for me.’ For a while he’d just sat at home doing work and isolating himself from people apart from ladies, but his friend was tired of it and invited him to the event. Whether that was to find a girlfriend or someone to get him to break out of the shell he was in, he didn’t know, but he definitely found someone.

‘Why? How were you before yesterday?’ He played with her hair and shrugged, he hadn’t remembered the last few weeks of thunder and storm since she’d come into his life, and he wasn’t planning on going back there.

‘I guess I wasn’t myself.’ She traced her finger around his chest and planted soft kisses on him.

‘I hope you don’t mind me asking why?’ He closed his eyes and remembered why he’d stop being himself for many weeks, that day when he caught them, was the last time he thought he’d be himself, because that was when everything went sour…until yesterday.

‘Just bad memories, that’s all.’ She nodded, she knew he may not tell her instantly and she was fine with that, but eventually she’d like him to forget those memories and lose himself with her.

‘Don’t we all hate those moments?’ He nodded and she smiled relaxing in his arms.

‘Wait, so why were you there?’ She remembered her boss forcing her into going, said it’d help the company but all she’d done that night was plaster fake smiles on her face and shake random individuals hands. She wanted to leave so badly, but she thought she might as well stay; it was only one night, until Lyle came and energised her in more ways than one.

‘Work. Apparently we had to build up contacts, I don’t know why my boss wanted me there, but he insisted and I went.’ He remembered seeing her greet many people in that seductive backless dress and his manhood twitched.

‘You looked stunning yesterday.’ She blushed and looked down feeling shy.

‘Thank you, I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t come and speak to me.’ He smiled and trailed his hand up and down her body. She smiled and bit her lips.

‘I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t come and speak to you…I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t come today.’ She looked at him and he had that mischievous look in his face, she shook her head smiling.

‘Well I came.’

‘More than once.’ She held her mouth as he gave her his wolfish grin, he was different she thought, but who said different was wrong. She blushed and he spanked her bum lightly, causing her to yelp.

‘You can be really naughty…’ He tilted his head and bit her lip giving it a little tug.

‘Only for you.’ She came close to his lips and whispered loud enough for only him to hear.

‘Just for me?’ He nodded, and before they both knew it they were kissing, caressing each other in ways they believed felt good. He began fingering her, and not to his surprise she was soaking. He wiggling two fingers inside her, moving them both in and out, until she hummed moans on his lips. He continued fingering her until she came unto his fingers, which didn’t take too long. She covered him with kisses until she was captured by the blissful darkness, and fell into a deep sleep in his arms. He was glad she hadn’t gone home, he wanted to sleep and wake up to her face, her scent, her body and he wanted to make love to her more than once.

Soon enough through him stroking her hair, he fell asleep.

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun