Toxic – Part 2

The sun had crept through the bedroom curtains and had teased my eyes awake. At first I was still in a dream-like state. Enjoying the warmth of the bed and the sun both massaging my body, pulling me back to sleep. Until my phone vibrated and with each vibration I was taken away from this bliss and was forced awake. At first I thought I was at home, laying next to my husband – but when I begun to remember the events of last night, I was mistaken.

It wasn’t my husband that had thrown me against the wall and had ripped my clothes off once we were out of the cab. Neither was it my husband who had me open and craving for more. Images of my husbands face flashed in my mind as I arched my back in ecstasy and when I had reached my climax for the third time. Yet, the more I thought about the night before, the more my husbands face morphed into someone else. Someone who has invaded my dreams, my thoughts – my life.

At first it felt too much like I’m still in a dream. Like soon enough I’m going to awake and find my husband laying too close beside me. But after a few minutes, I don’t awake from what feels like a dream and when I dare to look at who is laying behind me, reality rushes back to me so hard my stomach begins to roll.

I’d cheated on my husband. It wasn’t as though I had forgotten, it was all in my face. The room I had woken up in was not mine. The dark curtains were key, yet I still chose to believe it was a dream. But now seeing Mike lay peacefully beside me, was enough to remind me of what I had done the night before. What was I to do? My phone vibrated for another time, stirring Mike awake.

It took him a while before he was awake enough to notice me. But once he did his arm slithered around my waist, pulling me closer to him. Even though I was aware of what I had done and guilt was starting to sing in my mind, my body tingled to his touch. Trembling in his embrace, my inner demons still having power to make me crave what I knew I shouldn’t, whilst my conscious was thinking about my husband at home. It must be him that was calling. Wondering where I have been throughout the night – if only he knew I was with someone he trusted, someone he thought would keep me safe.

Mike smelt me as I tried to decide what I was going to do next – stay and lay within this microcosm that seemed too good to be true or run back to my husband and act as though none of this occurred.
“I love your scent.”
Without thinking, my body leaned back into his touch, so our bodies were as one. I felt his hard-on, making a small smile creep onto my lips. I guess no matter the logic that seemed so obvious to me, my inner demons decided what I did when it came to Mike.
“Thank you.” He had slowly begun grinding his hips into mine, using his left knee to separate my legs, allowing his access to become more easier.
“I’ve dreamt about this for a long time Sasha.” He was now between my legs. My thighs trembled as I knew what was to come soon. His hand danced on my skin and then made its way to where it needed his touch the most, when my phone had begun vibrating again. My eyes shot open to where the vibration was coming from.
“Leave it.”

And I was sure that I would have left it, until it began vibrating again. I knew who was calling, and it was bad enough that I had cheated on him with his brother, but to make him worry was not something I intentionally wanted to do. Peeling myself away from Mike, I tried to find the phone that was still vibrating. Where was it? In my jacket pocket? Or did I take it out of my clutch bag? Before I had the chance to get off the bed, Mike had grabbed onto my hand, stopping me from moving.
“I need to get it Mike, we both know who it is.”
I made another attempt to get my phone, when Mike’s grip tightened.
“I know it’s him Sasha, but I don’t care. I just want you. Let’s enjoy this once more before we have to think about the consequences.”
It was stupid, I knew how dumb his suggestion was and how I know I had done more than enough damage, but I didn’t want to think. I just wanted to be in Mike’s arms again before I had to face reality. I had to choose between the vibrating phone or being taken to new heights once more.

I let Mike crawl towards me, and take me again. Take me away from everything. It’s crazy because it wasn’t as though my relationship…or marriage for that matter was in shambles. Josh and I were in a good place. It just was not as good as I wanted it to be. I wasn’t too sure what was missing, but when I laid my eyes of Mike at our wedding I hadn’t noticed it then. I was so drunk on love, I couldn’t see the way he held me too tight as we danced on the wedding night as a polite gesture from him to me. Neither did I see the other times he would linger around in my house for too long after guests had gone, a few months after me and Josh had moved in together. However, after three years I was no longer drunk on love – I was enjoying it with a more sober mind. But that opened my eyes to Mike. To how he watched me, how when we hugged his hand lingered very close to my bum. And instead of these things to make me feel awkward or at least tell my husband, I enjoyed it. Enjoyed the thrill, the feeling of having another mans hands over my body. And not just any man, my husbands brother.

That was when I realised that my marriage was not enough. Josh was an amazing man, great at sex, was romantic and treated me perfectly. Yes, we argued but that was normal. But he no longer had the hunger in his eyes when he saw me walk through the door and neither I for him. Instead, I kept losing my breath when Mike and I were left alone together, when he tried to kiss me when my husband had gone to get us glasses to drink wine in. Or when we had been celebrating their parents anniversary, and Mike had managed to touch me inappropriately in a crowded area. I was sure that Josh had seen, but he didn’t mention anything and I heard nothing of it – so I tried to ignore it. But with the more passes Mike made on me, the more I felt for him.

So here I was, laying on my back. My mouth in an ‘o’ shape as Mike had now thrusted himself inside me for another time. Penetrating me in time of the vibration of my phone. He grabbed a handful of my breast as my back arched in pleasure and as the strokes increased. With strength and speed, Mike continued to push me further and further to the edge. I knew it wasn’t long until I collapsed to his love, my eyes opened pleading with him to end it. He smiled as he continued to power through me, ignoring my plea and pushing himself to the brink before exploding. His whole body shaking in desire. Every muscle tensing as he tried to keep his body up above mine, whilst I crumbled below him. That was it, we had had our last fun in this world we had created for the night and now it was time to be true to ourselves.

I had a husband to confront and Mike had a brother he had just betrayed. After a few minutes of laying in silence, I sat up and went to hunt for my mobile. I didn’t put any clothes on as I had no need to hide something Mike had already seen more than enough in one night. I checked my jacket, yet couldn’t find anything. After looking for a few minutes, I found my clutch bag, which had my phone inside. I unlocked the phone and saw six missed calls from Josh and two from Clarissa. Then a few messages from both Clarissa and a few from a group conversation that I was in. I opened Josh’s message, which was frantic. He had called Clarissa and she claimed I was with her, but when failing to prove that I was there, he knew she was lying. He had started to get scared and also annoyed – the tone in his texts and voicemail had gotten a lot more serious. I needed to go home, before anything had gotten worse.

I turned back to Mike who was watching me.
“I have to go Mike.”
“I know, but I’ll see you again soon, just say you was with me when you speak to Mike. I found you a little too drunk and I took you here. I’ll come round later and explain it to him.”
“Are you crazy?”
“Trust me Sasha, say you are with me and I’ll handle everything.”
He stood up and came to me, pulling me close so that our naked bodies touched as he kissed me deeply. I was scared, but I wasn’t too sure what of. I don’t know if I was scared that Josh was going to wonder where I was, or whether this may be the last time I see Mike.
“God Sasha, if I had my way, you wouldn’t leave my side. But I know you have to go to Josh. Sasha…trust me, stick to what I said and we’ll be good.” I nodded nervously. He planted another kiss on my lips and helped me gather my things as I ran through the lie in my head. Well, it wasn’t even a lie, I did come home with Mike, but we did things I know Josh wouldn’t approve of. I just hoped my face didn’t have the events of yesterday night and this morning written all over it.

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun

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Toxic – Part 1

Do you ever get that feeling when you know what is wrong, and you try so hard to stay away from that – but everything in life is pulling you closer to the wrong? No matter how many times I turn away from the temptation, or ignore the constant opportunities, the more I’m faced with it, the more I feel myself growing weak. With each opportunity I pass, I feel myself opening up to the idea more and more.

I am a loyal woman, never been swayed by temptation (baring in mind I don’t get many temptations). But then he presented himself to me, and after all the pushing I did, it seemed as though I couldn’t push him no more. I knew in every part of my body that he was wrong, toxic for me. No one has ever made me question my marriage, no one has ever made me want more. Yet, here I was watching him, watch me from across the room whilst he sat with his friends.

It was a girls night out, I felt I needed the space – with my head clogged up with all this confusion, getting out and forgetting for one night didn’t seem like a bad plan. But here I was, thinking about him again. I didn’t know he’d be here. If I did, I sure as hell wouldn’t have come here, but here he was and my girls were already ordering drinks. We located a table close to where he sat amongst his friends and drank.

It wasn’t as though I could drink, I needed a sober mind if I was going to be in the same room as him. I didn’t want to do anything that would jeopardise my marriage. My girls had started to take off their jackets and began dancing to the music of the club – me on the other hand sat still, battling with my inner demons. A quiet voice screaming at me to leave, but the demons caressing my muscles telling me to stay, no harm in watching and enticing yourself with something you’d never had and never will. My best friend Clarissa tugged on my shoulder, pulling me out of my deep thoughts and forced a glass of drink in my hand.

“Oi! Stop being so boring and drink!”

I hadn’t told Clarissa about Mike. There was nothing proud about my feelings about him to share, so I made sure I’d kept him hidden, like a dark secret you didn’t want anyone knowing about, yet was always in everyone’s face. I gave her a small smile and put the cup on the table.

“Sasha what are you doing! It is your night off for once, enjoy it – why are you sitting there like a prune?” She shouted over the music. I gave her another shrug and looked away from Mike who was watching our every move. She lifted the glass off of the table and forced them near my lips.
“You will drink Sasha! You are not going to be like this throughout the night – not on my watch.”

Before I could protest, she’d found an opening with my mouth and began pouring the drink, as I tried to lean away from her offer. She almost climbed on top of me to ensure the liquid went all the way down my throat. By now, not only was Mike, but his friends also had started to watch the show. The liquid burnt my throat as it intruded its way inside my body. As it slid its way to the bottom, small flames ignited on the inside of my body causing me to feel warmer than I had a few minutes ago. Clarissa was laughing now as my face grew tense with the burn that came with the drink. Her hand fell behind her and before I knew it, she was pressing another glass cup to my lips.

I shook my head furiously, trying to push her off of me, but failed as she had now taken seat on my laps and was begging me to drink.
“For me Sasha, please drink one more and then we can have some fun.”
I looked at her and then thought of Josh, my husband. He was never too fond of Clarissa, felt as though she was always pushing me to do things I never wanted to do. And he was never too sure what her sexuality was and for that fact, he never liked to leave me alone with her for too long. He always said he saw a look in her eyes that I never seemed to notice. But I could never vouch for that – me and Clarissa had been best friends for almost ten years, and within those years I had never thought she swung for the same team.

But as she pouted and came closer to me to make me drink, I saw a flash of who Josh had been seeing all those times ago. I opened my mouth to not only receive the drink but to drown the many voices in my head that were screaming far too many things at me. After the drink had disappeared, she wiped a drop that had escaped my lips and licked her finger. Smiling, she got off and walked to where our other friends were dancing.

Too embarrassed to look at Mike, I took my jacket off to busy my hands and stared directly at the table. He was still watching me – this time I’m sure he had a look of hunger in his eyes. It had only been a second that I looked at him, but I knew how this night was going to end. I had lost the will to fight against what my body craved for, what it thought would heal it. I took a deep breath and hoped he didn’t make his way to me, but I knew sooner or later there would be nothing stopping him, and he’d come and get what he truly wanted.

After a while, the girls returned from dancing and were all hyped. I had managed to drink a glass or two more and then watched them all chatter. Then one of Mike’s friend had approached us.
“Hello ladies.”
“OOOOooooOOOO, what can we do for you today?” Aimee said, giving him what I was sure was her most alluring face.
“Well me and my friends were getting a little bored and saw how much fun you were having and wanted to see if we could come and join you?”
“NO!” Was the voice that screamed in my head, yet my lips didn’t move in reality, instead, I watched as the girls eyed up the guys and invited them over. My heart thumped so hard in my chest, I wasn’t too sure if it was drink or the fear I had of knowing Mike was walking straight towards me – either way, I knew my heart could not slow down.

All the guys had paired themselves with a lady, others making a triplet as the women were more in numbers that the men. Mike sat close, too close to me. I tried to ignore the heat that radiated off of him as our skin brushed, but all it did was make me tingle – inside and out. Everyone chatted whilst me and Mike sat silently watching the party in front of us. Then before I was aware, Mike had grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him. The minor touch did wonders too my body, I tried to block out what it made me feel, but who was I to fight something that seemed so inevitable.

“You smell beautiful tonight Sasha.” His face pressed against my neck, so close that as he spoke his lips gently slid across my skin. I bit my lip and prayed for something to intervene, even if it was a funny look from Clarissa, anything to make me know this was a bad idea. Yet, everyone was far too enticed with their own guy to notice me. I nodded my head in thanks and felt his breath on my neck. I tried not to lean into his touch, into his warmth, into what felt like home, but before I knew it, my eyes were closed and I had leaned my head on his to feel his hair caress my cheek. He chuckled and moved to my left ear.

“You’re not fighting me off no more?”
I looked at him, watched his face analyse mine and couldn’t help but touch him. His eyes closed as my fingers trailed little touches of flames onto his skin. He opened his eyes and stared at me waiting for an answer, waiting for me to allow him to have me. Somehow, I always thought it would be him that would take me as soon as he had the chance, but here he was giving me the power, asking me whether he had permission to have me. I tried to find ‘No’ in my mind, but all I could see was ‘Yes’ and there was still a little voice within me that was telling me not to do what I wanted to do so much. I took a deep breath and came close to his lips.
“I should be fighting you off, you’re no good for me.”
A wicked smile grew on his lips and he came closer to my lips that were parted ready for him to enter inside.
“I’m no good for you now?”
“No,” I said smiling. Who had I become? Entertaining the devils dance? Knowing what was right and what was wrong. Whoever told you you’re conscious drowns out when you’re tempted was lying. The closer our lips got together, the clearer I could hear my mind scream ‘no!’ – yet it was me now that had chosen it to shut up. I forced the rebellious screams deep inside a room within my head and locked the door, leaving just my desire and Mike alone. “You are no good, but I can’t fight you off anymore.”

As the words came out my mouth in a rush, his lips met mine in a hurry. His hunger seeped through his lips and onto my own. His arm that was wrapped around my waist, had now moved towards my bum, squeezing what he could, whilst my arms found their way around his neck. I heard screams and laughter, but I couldn’t seem to pull myself away from Mike. I slipped my hands between his legs, trying to get a feel of what I was sure to come later on tonight. He moved to my neck and growled at me.
“Don’t Sasha.”
Once I had found the bulge that I had dreamt about for nearly every night for a year, I couldn’t stop myself. Rubbing on it, trying to imagine the whole length, his hand stopped mine abruptly. He pulled away from me and looked at my face. My lips now plump from the kissing, my body now scorching hot from our intimacy, now sat vibrating waiting for him to make the next move. The voice that had been screaming no in my head, was now whispering no, whilst hoping he kissed me again. If my conscious wouldn’t fight against him, what chance did I have? My inner logic had now crumpled onto the floor clutching her legs shut whilst saying no, but wanting more.

He grabbed my hand and led me outside. It was only by a second that I had managed to grab my jacket and bag and left with Mike. No one was entirely sure where we were off too, I signalled the smoking area, but neither I or Mike smoked. But who was to question when they all probably witnessed their married friend kiss another man.

Once we were outside, Mike hauled a cab and gave them an address and before I knew it, we were inside sitting in silence, but our bodies screaming for so much more. I dared to look at Mike and see that look he had on his face that showed he was going to devour every inch of my body. His hand still clutched onto mine, with a pain that oozed with ecstasy. I knew he was hanging on by a thread and if the cab man hadn’t got us to where we needed to be, Mike would take me right here.

I looked at him slowly, and was taken back when our eyes met. There was no stopping us anymore. Even if I was starting to doubt my actions, there was no way Mike would let me go. I was about to cheat on my husband with his brother and no voice of reasoning was going to stop us.

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun

Past Love (1st Extract)

It was getting late and I didn’t want to leave, but I knew I had to. Even though he didn’t ask me to, I knew my stay was coming to an end and as much as I was enjoying his company, I wasn’t going to overstay my welcome. We laughed and spoke all evening, even now as he repeats a story from our school memories, I find myself weary of the time. It must have began to show on my face, because he stopped speaking and raised his eyebrow. A thing he did when he knew I was zoning out.

“I’m sorry Julian, it’s just I realised it was getting late and I’ve got to be going.”
“You’ve got to go already?”
I looked down at my phone which lay on a small table just in front of the couch and saw the actual time: 22:36. Yeah, it was definitely about time I left. “I’m afraid so, you know if I could stay, I would.”
I began standing up from the couch, stretching my legs whilst grabbing my phone, checking if I had all my belongings, when Julian stood up with me.
“Are you sure you have to go Deanne? I can drop you home if it gets too late for you to be walking the streets?”
“I’m sure you would, but it’s best if I leave now.” He started pouting, making me giggle. “Hey! There’s always next week.”
“Yeah I know Dee, but I just wish you could stay a while longer.”

Julian and I had only recently rekindled our friendship of five years after bumping into each other at an event. We exchanged numbers and it was almost as though the six years of not seeing each other hadn’t even occurred. Nothing had changed between us apart from the fact we grew up and were adults, but we were exactly the same as we were back when we went to school together. Of course we’d grown mentally but also physically. Julian was never unattractive back in school. He was one of those boys who were spoken about in whispers, because he seemed so focused on his education, all thoughts of having a girlfriend was constantly thrown out of the window. Especially when he was asked to prom and he confessed he wasn’t attending; it was only then when everyone knew he wasn’t the average teenage boy and images of being his girlfriend was shattered. But that didn’t stop females from talking about the ‘what if’s’. It was only when we were paired for an assignment was when our friendship grew and built into a beautiful picture.
For years we were close, but with our career paths being so different it was no surprise when we lost communication. So, when I saw him suited and booted, I was more than shocked. Ever since that moment, we’ve been catching up as much as possible. The time we spent was never enough, but we always knew there was another day.

“I wish I could too, but don’t worry I’ll be back.”
I gave him a smile and then went to go and get my coat, trying to be discreetly quick so I didn’t delay anymore time than I had already done. He followed me to where my coat was hung and sighed.
“Dee can’t you just stay for another hour, I promise you I’ll drop you home?”
I gave him a hug, resting my head on his well-built chest and gave him a light squeeze.
“I promise I’ll see you soon, just text me okay?”
He wrapped his arms around me, and grumbled making me laugh again. His arms weren’t big, but for someone of my frame, I was drowned in his embrace. Knowing time was of the essence, I began loosening my grip signalling to leave, but instead Julian tightened his. I lifted my head to look up at him; surprised at the look he was giving me. His hazel eyes were dark and his body grew rigid in an instant. My breath got caught in my throat under his gaze. If what I thought was going to happen, actually happened, leaving was something I had to do and fast.
“I really don’t want you to go…”
His voice was deep and husky, full of desire and hunger. This only became apparent to me when his hands began moving towards my hips and lower back. Were there signs that I had missed previously? Or did I see them but ignore them? Because I was finding it hard understanding how we went from two friends rekindling their friendship over a meal, to me trapped in his embrace and not even finding the voice of reason in my head to tell him to stop. Even now as I stand looking into his eyes, I find myself tempted to see how deep his desire ran for me. There were enough reasons for me to reject his affection, and walk out on him. Yet, none ever significant enough for me to do so, and that’s why I found myself slowly unwinding under his gaze, each latch unlocking itself allowing snippets of desire to seep through my body.
My heartbeat had intensified, every beat stronger than the previous one, making me conscious that he could feel it as we were chest to chest. A wave of tingling heat ran through my body once, but once was enough. Every sense awoke with a roar, all sending the same request to my mind.

“Julian-”
He held my chin in his hand, using his thumb to gently stroke my skin that had grown sensitive, all the while lifting my head to his, closing the gap between the both of us. “Don’t go.”
His eyes burned through me, shutting down every command of sense, leaving me vulnerable and open to his needs. Another wave ran through my body, but this time only waking up the one thing I feared. My core awoke aroused, aching for some attention and affection, causing my whole body to clench and tighten. He slowly came close to me, bringing our bodies together, allowing me to fully appreciate his body and build and also the hard bulge that had appeared in his trousers. In a flash, my body had gone into flight mode. My legs began moving involuntarily towards the door, in a last poor attempt to take myself out of the situation I’d found myself in.
“Julian, I can’t.”
But nothing seemed to work, in fact the more I tried to protest against it, the more he clung onto me, allowing myself to understand what I’d done to his body. I managed to make my way to the door, in hope I could gather my thoughts and leave before things got further than I could handle. I used my left hand to feel for the doorknob and slightly turned it, with my face still in his hands, his breath so close to me at this point. The door began opening, when a slight force pushed it back, closing it. It was then I knew all attempts of leaving were clearly non-existent. The importance of time had slipped my mind and I seemed to have lost myself in the moment with Julian. Something I’m sure I’d regret eventually, but for now, my body was eager for his touch, hungry for someone to take some of the pressure off, and the only candidate worthy of doing so was Julian.
“Just once Deanne.”
I bit my lip and looked back at him. Noticing how his hunger had grown into a carnal desire. Nobody had looked at me like that for so long, or had even begged for my presence that I found myself nodding at his request. His chest rose and fell with steadily increasing speed, as he got closer to my lips. I closed my eyes, waiting…waiting for something to give me reason towards my irrational actions. And it was only when his lips touched mine, was when everything went clear. My body had stopped screaming demands and my mind had no longer wondered about my actions, in that moment I just wanted more. A little bit more. I wanted to taste his lips and find out what more they could do to me. The kiss started off as small pecks, but grew as our passion began to overflow. I hadn’t noticed when my back was against the door, but being stuck between the door and his body, gave me little to no room to move around freely and whenever I did move, I seemed to brush passed his bulge. Every slight shift I made caused a quiet groan to escape his lips.  But it still wasn’t enough. I needed more. Needed to know what it was about Julian that made me behave in a way that was foreign to me. So I went on my toes to receive his kiss in full, but by doing so meant his bulge was pressed hard between my legs, teasing my centre.

If I had any sort of thought about leaving, it had definitely disappeared, as he began moving back and forth between my legs. A whimper fell off my lips with each thrust, causing him to deepen each movement. He raised his left hand into my hair and softly tugged at it, revealing my bare neck, whilst his right hand held my behind. He used his teeth to pull on my bottom lip tenderly, then once he was far enough, he let go and moved to my neck, nibbling, licking and kissing his way through each of my barriers and right to my core.
“God, Dee you’re so sweet.”
He continued kissing my neck, nibbling just a little harder than before, showing me his patience was beginning to wear thin. His grasp on my behind had tightened, almost lifting me off of my feet, giving him a better feel. My hands struggled to stay in one place. One moment they were flat against his back and the next they were under his shirt. His lips sent sparks of ecstasy through my skin, causing me to push my body against his own, again teasing him and myself. He groaned, pulling himself away from me and looked down at me, with eyes dark craving eyes. I looked back at him, not completely sure how to process what we were doing. I had a home to get to and I’m sure time was far later than what it was when I last checked, but it didn’t seem as though I’d be able to get home anytime soon. A little voice spoke quietly enough for me to hear, letting me know problems will only get worse if I go through with this escapade with Julian. But how much more worse could things get? I’d already opened up to him, given him the opportunity to explore my emotions, my body and my mouth; what was the point of shying away now?

“Dee I won’t stop if I start…” He spoke tightly, evident that his control was close to snapping and needed my approval before he could take it as far as he pleased. This was the time. If I wanted to leave (which I should), this would be the perfect time to push him away, apologise for leading him this far and go home. But I stood still, knowing I wasn’t going to leave. I was too turned on to rationalise my thoughts.
“Then don’t stop.”
It was like those words flicked a switch in his mind. The thin barrier that I had held up against him, stopping him from pursuing his feelings broke effortlessly. In a somewhat growl, he dropped his hand from my hair to my behind. Using both hands, he lifted me up, like I weighed nothing and sat me firmly on his hips. In silence, he walked me towards what I assumed was his bedroom and kicked open the door, breathing heavily. Once we got inside of his room, he used his feet to close the door and then laid me on his bed, crawling over me, getting a full view of my face.
“You ready Dee?”

*************************

I awoke when I felt arms wrap around my naked body. The sheets beneath me were silk and smooth, which was my first alarm that I wasn’t in my own bed. Then images flooded back into my mind and the voice that was so quiet the night before was screaming loudly this morning. I messed up, so badly. It wasn’t Marcus’ hands that were draped around me, it was Julian’s. We’d had sex multiple times, until I couldn’t take no more. He kept whispering sweet things in my ear, letting me know that we should be together, not Marcus and I. How he would do everything in his power to prove to me that I should stay with him and at the time it all made sense. Marcus and I hadn’t been on good terms, especially when I realised he had cheated on me with Bernice, a female he met one night and had accidentally ended up in her bed. But I was as bad as he was.
And even though I knew I shouldn’t be kissing Julian, I found myself screaming his name in his pillow for a third time when he’d made me reach my climax. Even as I blissfully fell back to earth, he was there waiting for me. Ready to take me away once again, until it was something I couldn’t live without. Just before I’d slept, my head laid lazily on his sweaty chest, his fingers ran through my hair that had gotten clammy during our intimacy and our bodies lay closely to each other.

“Don’t go back to him Dee, I need you. I’ve needed you for a while, but I just couldn’t find where you were. I never wanted to lose contact with you, my life just got busy and before I was aware, your number wasn’t in my phone.”
I nodded, too tired to speak but not tired enough to fall asleep yet.
“I always wanted you, I was just waiting for the right time, but there never was one and that’s because I never made one available. Then I saw you and knew everything might actually fall back into place, but you were with Marcus. And I knew he was treating you badly because of the way he barely paid attention to you that night. It was then I knew my chance hadn’t completely gone, because I was going to do everything in my power to take you from him and treat you how you are meant to be treated.”
I didn’t respond, but I heard everything he’d said. That night Marcus was more occupied with friends and females than me and I’d just smiled pushing my hurt far from my mind. Then I saw Julian and everything changed. Marcus had suddenly placed his arm over my waist, stopping me from embracing Julian. He made himself known and then was quick to pull me from Julian. But when he’d gone toilet was when Julian had caught me and we’d managed to speak and exchange numbers.
Marcus caught us mid-way through a discussion and wasn’t happy, but I didn’t care, Julian was a friend of mine, a close friend…well I wasn’t sure what he was now, but then he was a friend not a threat.

“Jay…” The words slipped out of my mouth but nothing else followed through, my body had grown tired and I was through with the mental battle that was already occurring within myself. My eyes closed and my chest softly rose and fell, succumbing to the sleep that was about to take over.
“Promise me one thing Dee?” I nodded and he continued, “Don’t go back to him.” And then the sleep took me.
But now I was wide-awake and I wasn’t sure what I was doing with myself. Would I stay here with Julian or return back to Marcus, who most probably burned my phone with calls and messages. I tried to look around the room for my phone with my eyes, so I didn’t wake up Julian, but that didn’t work. He pulled me close to him, so close that I felt his breath blow the little hairs on the back of my neck. His lips soon replaced his breath; kissing my neck, causing me to involuntarily smile.

“Morning Dee.”
“Jay…”
“Mm?”
“I think I need to go.” He tightened his hold on me and shook his head, not wanting me to leave.
“Don’t Dee.”
“I have to, I need to sort myself out. I need things to fix and solve – you know I have to.”
He sighed and loosened his hold on my body. “Just because I know, doesn’t mean I want you to.”
I sat up, using the sheets to cover my body whilst I looked for my clothes that were scattered around his bedroom floor. This was not me, I didn’t do flings or one night stands. But Julian made sure if things went the way he wanted them to be, it wouldn’t be for one night, this was what was in store for me for the rest of my life. There was far too much to think about, would I leave a relationship of three years over a mistake and run to the next guy who seemed to make everything feel good in that moment, or would I try and work through things with Marcus? I most definitely needed to go.
“I’ll call you when things get clearer.”
I saw my underwear scrunched on the ground and took the opportunity to grab it, whilst getting the rest of my other clothes on. He sat up as I dressed and watched me pick up my clothes and belongings, almost like I was a prostitute gathering their items after a client had finished their hour with them.
“You know I don’t want you to leave Deanne?”
“I know Julian,” I said exasperated, this was too much for me to handle and it probably wasn’t even 8AM yet. “I don’t even know what I’m doing. My body just wants to get back in bed with you, my heart is confused and my head is telling me to go and sort everything out before I act. I don’t know what to do anymore Julian, but I do know I can’t do what I did last night again.”

He threw the sheets off of him and got up, walking towards me. I held my hand out to stop him from getting any closer, but that didn’t stop him. Instead he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards his naked body.
“I’m sorry for putting you through this situation Dee, and I understand it isn’t easy. So I will let you go, I can’t stop you from going back home to him, but I just want you to remember what’s here waiting for you.”
He moved my hand down towards his shaft, which was hard and pulsating already. My eyes followed my arm and watched as it came alive and twitched in my grip. My hand clasped his shaft tightly, causing him to inhale a sharp breath. Here was my body working  before my mind had time to tell it to stop and be sensible. I looked back up at him and watched his face flex in pleasure, eyes shut and throat gulping large balls of desire. I released him and stepped back, scared of what more he could make me do without my knowledge. His eyes opened and back was the stare filled with hunger and greed.

“Julian stop doing that.”
“Doing what?” He was about to take a step close to me, and as he did I simultaneously took a step back.
“Julian you aren’t being fair, you aren’t giving me a chance to think.”
“I don’t want you to think.” He stepped forward, causing me to step back.
“But I need to think. If you really care about me like you’ve said, then you’ll respect that and let me leave.” He stopped moving and sighed. Rock hard and tense, he looked at me, then himself and then took a few steps back, giving me space to breath.
“Fine.”
He began helping me gather my clothes, whilst putting his own on. Once we were more composed, I wore my coat and opened the door, ready to leave. I turned around one last time and watched Julian watch me, still hard, still tense but with a slight look of worry. I gave him a small smile and then left, ready to face Marcus and his anger.

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun