Toxic – Part 4

“What’s wrong baby, did someone hurt you?”
Why did men think all signs of emotion from women meant we were hurt? It was me who had caused pain. If only Josh knew, I’m sure his anger would dissipate. I shake my head, throwing tears left and right.
“Then why are you crying?”

I took a deep breath, in attempt to inhale the overflowing emotions that threatened to show itself.
“I just…I’m sorry.” Sorry for going out yesterday, sorry for making him scared and definitely sorry for being intimate with his brother – all the things I wanted to say but kept it trapped within the deepest depths within myself.
“Sasha…what happened last night? Where were you?”
God, here it comes. The fabricated truth, the story smeared with hazy lies. I fear to look him in the eyes, so I keep my gaze to our feet and take a deep breath in.

“I drank too much,” Lie. “Then I saw Mike,” Truth. “I’m not sure how, but he was worried…I think.” More lies. “So he took me home and then I woke up this morning embarrassed and left to go home.” It was more or less what had happened. The bare outlines of yesterdays events. I look at Josh through my wet eyelashes and see the concern in his facial expression.
“Why didn’t you go home with Clarissa?” It was then I remembered Clarissa had lied I was with her. I needed to explain why Clarissa would have lied without mentioning that I was aware I knew she tried to make an excuse for me.
“I think I wondered away from the group a little…”
“WHAT THE FUCK WAS YOU THINKING?!”
His outburst made me jump. I didn’t expect this from Josh. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was that I had said that had caused his reaction.
“Sasha you’re acting stupid! I knew Clarissa was bad influence – what if Mike wasn’t there to help you?”
My lip trembled as I couldn’t quite fathom a response. I had been more than stupid – in fact I had been out right brain dead. But I was prepared to take stupid over him knowing the truth.
“Never, you’re never going out with her again!” Something bubbled in me, who was Josh to tell me who I could and couldn’t see.
“She’s my best friend!” I said through tears, from both sadness and a slight hint of anger.
“I don’t care Sasha! What if something happened to you?”
“Nothing –”
“Wait,” He interrupted me, looking at me like something didn’t add up. “When did you drink that you’re that out of your mind that you can’t even get yourself home?”

I shrugged, not having the brain power to think of a response. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and internally told myself to control my emotions. Stop the tears that continued to be rebellious and show itself even though I fought so hard to keep them at bay. Stop trying to defend Clarissa, there was a time and place that I would be able to bring justice to Clarissa’s name and today was not the day. For now, I just needed to accept that I was wrong and then clear the grey areas at a later stage.

“Something’s not right Sasha, why didn’t Mike let me know you were with him?” Because we were fucking on the floor and then on his couch and then literally on every appliance until we reached his bedroom. My insides flare up with small voices reminding me how good it was with Mike. How he made me scream, how I grabbed him with passion leaving scratch marks on his body as he plunged deeper and deeper. God, the thoughts were so real, I could feel myself tensing up. My core tightening and slowly getting moist as I thought about our passion.
“I was scared you’d be upset, I was a mess.”
My voice came out huskier than necessary – thicker almost with Mike still on my tongue. Just as Josh was about to say more, his phone rang, pausing him in his tracks. He gave me another glare and reached for his phone.
“Mike…” My eyes dropped to the ground, what if our lies hadn’t matched? We didn’t thoroughly think this through. I looked back at Josh who had me under strict scrutiny whilst speaking to Mike. “Yeah she’s home safe…thanks for your help Mike…fuck I forgot about that. We’ll see you at mums.”

The phone was off. He gave me one last look and then left. But before he was out of ear reach he shouted, “It’s my grandfathers anniversary, we’re going to my parents. Get cleaned up.”
I rushed to the shower and took a long bath. I thought things were already difficult, but now we had to play happy family in front of his actual family was really not ideal or even part of the plan. This was going to be one extended day.

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun

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Toxic – Part 3

Throughout my journey home I can’t help but question who I really am, who’ve I become? It was bad enough that I had thought about cheating on my husband on multiple occasions, but the fact that I had actually committed the act almost left me bewildered. Who was the woman that sat in the black cab, wearing a body con on a early Saturday morning? Because I sure as hell knew it couldn’t have been myself… I risked my marriage for what? A night that I probably wouldn’t forget for the rest of my life. It sounds exciting when I think about it, but was it truly worth it?

I should have thought about my actions in more depth. Even though I’ve felt like this for a year, I’m not sure if I had truly contemplated the aftermath if I had went ahead and actually slept with Mike. I’m not even sure why now, sitting silently in the back seat of the cab driving me to where I thought was home, but now sounds weird to call home is where I contemplate my actions. I knew what I was doing yesterday – I could hardly blame it on the alcohol, I barely drank any. And even if I drank a glass or two…or the whole bottle, I knew what I wanted from the start. The way Mike had touched me in the club and even more so when our lips touched was enough to remind me that I knew exactly what I was doing.

My conscious was beyond clear at that point, maybe if I was intoxicated it would be a better pill to swallow, rather than having the guilt slowly choke and suffocate me silently in the back of the cab. Before I had even knew what I was doing, I asked the cab driver to stop and requested to walk the rest of the way. I paid him the fare and got out of the vehicle, clutching myself tightly as the cold London air blew wildly on my bare legs and in my short outfit, more suitable for 7PM than 7AM. I ignored the quizzical stares that Londoners couldn’t help but do and hugged my body as I walked home. Getting some air should help me think.

I needed to plan how I was going to approach Josh. What I was going to say, in which way would I say it and whether he would believe me or not. The lie Mike had told me to stick to sounded ridiculous. Far too close to the truth for me to remain settled, but the more I thought about other lies that could replace Mike’s one, the more I realised why Mike had wanted me to stick to his own lie. The guilt from cheating and the hint of truth would make it more believable to Josh and with Mike as a sturdy alibi – Josh would know I was telling the truth.

I cannot believe I have come to this. Thinking of ways to lie to my husband to get away with infidelity. Where was the determined and strong woman who knew exactly what she was doing the night before? Because if she could show herself now, then maybe confronting my husband wouldn’t feel as hard as it did now. I wasn’t strong enough for this, even as I think back to Mike, back to the night we shared, I can’t help but shudder. Thoughts of us constantly replaying in my head as I ponder when the next time will come…hoping it would be sooner rather than later.

But what was done was done, right? The damage has been created and it was now sealed. I was a fragile glass yesterday that shattered under Mike’s touch – my only hope now was that the cracks that were more than evident didn’t reveal themselves to Josh.
I was coming up to the house now. 17…15…13, the more steps I took the more my heart crashed into my chest. I have never feared my husband – never needed a reason to, but today the fear that resided in me, was wrapped around me like another layer of skin. It wasn’t welcoming, but I was aware I gave it room yesterday to take place in my body.

Sucking in my breathe, I open my white wooden gate, wishing I was returning with a clear mind. But after having spent the night with Mike, my mind was far from clear. Even now, when I remember how our lips touched in the club makes my libido dance in excitement. God even thoughts of him can spark me to life, even in such situations as the one I was in currently. Before I get to open the door, Josh has it opened. Rushing to me like a mother reunited with their abducted child. He hugs me tightly, too tight and very one sided. I think because I’m too stunned to move my arms let alone my body I am left in a one-sided embrace. He stands back to watch me and then draws me inside the house.

Walking in silence, my breath comes out shorter, he faces me again and embraces me once more. This time with less worry but with more love. It was then I realised I was a horrible human being, weak and selfish. My husband stood in front of me, me in his arms, his breaths coming out in short rapid spurts, and I can tell he is happy to see me safe. And there I stand, arms planted to the sides of my body, scared that if I touch Josh, I’d ruin him like I have done so with this marriage. I feared tainting him but was too emotional to pull away. That was when I found myself in tears, a flood of emotions rushing out of my chest before I could stop it.

What had I done? Was it truly worth it? Could I just erase such mistakes from reality and act as though none of it occurred – was that a possibility? Because if it was I was ready to do anything to undo my mistake and go back to the woman I was only just a few hours ago.

 

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun

Toxic – Part 2

The sun had crept through the bedroom curtains and had teased my eyes awake. At first I was still in a dream-like state. Enjoying the warmth of the bed and the sun both massaging my body, pulling me back to sleep. Until my phone vibrated and with each vibration I was taken away from this bliss and was forced awake. At first I thought I was at home, laying next to my husband – but when I begun to remember the events of last night, I was mistaken.

It wasn’t my husband that had thrown me against the wall and had ripped my clothes off once we were out of the cab. Neither was it my husband who had me open and craving for more. Images of my husbands face flashed in my mind as I arched my back in ecstasy and when I had reached my climax for the third time. Yet, the more I thought about the night before, the more my husbands face morphed into someone else. Someone who has invaded my dreams, my thoughts – my life.

At first it felt too much like I’m still in a dream. Like soon enough I’m going to awake and find my husband laying too close beside me. But after a few minutes, I don’t awake from what feels like a dream and when I dare to look at who is laying behind me, reality rushes back to me so hard my stomach begins to roll.

I’d cheated on my husband. It wasn’t as though I had forgotten, it was all in my face. The room I had woken up in was not mine. The dark curtains were key, yet I still chose to believe it was a dream. But now seeing Mike lay peacefully beside me, was enough to remind me of what I had done the night before. What was I to do? My phone vibrated for another time, stirring Mike awake.

It took him a while before he was awake enough to notice me. But once he did his arm slithered around my waist, pulling me closer to him. Even though I was aware of what I had done and guilt was starting to sing in my mind, my body tingled to his touch. Trembling in his embrace, my inner demons still having power to make me crave what I knew I shouldn’t, whilst my conscious was thinking about my husband at home. It must be him that was calling. Wondering where I have been throughout the night – if only he knew I was with someone he trusted, someone he thought would keep me safe.

Mike smelt me as I tried to decide what I was going to do next – stay and lay within this microcosm that seemed too good to be true or run back to my husband and act as though none of this occurred.
“I love your scent.”
Without thinking, my body leaned back into his touch, so our bodies were as one. I felt his hard-on, making a small smile creep onto my lips. I guess no matter the logic that seemed so obvious to me, my inner demons decided what I did when it came to Mike.
“Thank you.” He had slowly begun grinding his hips into mine, using his left knee to separate my legs, allowing his access to become more easier.
“I’ve dreamt about this for a long time Sasha.” He was now between my legs. My thighs trembled as I knew what was to come soon. His hand danced on my skin and then made its way to where it needed his touch the most, when my phone had begun vibrating again. My eyes shot open to where the vibration was coming from.
“Leave it.”

And I was sure that I would have left it, until it began vibrating again. I knew who was calling, and it was bad enough that I had cheated on him with his brother, but to make him worry was not something I intentionally wanted to do. Peeling myself away from Mike, I tried to find the phone that was still vibrating. Where was it? In my jacket pocket? Or did I take it out of my clutch bag? Before I had the chance to get off the bed, Mike had grabbed onto my hand, stopping me from moving.
“I need to get it Mike, we both know who it is.”
I made another attempt to get my phone, when Mike’s grip tightened.
“I know it’s him Sasha, but I don’t care. I just want you. Let’s enjoy this once more before we have to think about the consequences.”
It was stupid, I knew how dumb his suggestion was and how I know I had done more than enough damage, but I didn’t want to think. I just wanted to be in Mike’s arms again before I had to face reality. I had to choose between the vibrating phone or being taken to new heights once more.

I let Mike crawl towards me, and take me again. Take me away from everything. It’s crazy because it wasn’t as though my relationship…or marriage for that matter was in shambles. Josh and I were in a good place. It just was not as good as I wanted it to be. I wasn’t too sure what was missing, but when I laid my eyes of Mike at our wedding I hadn’t noticed it then. I was so drunk on love, I couldn’t see the way he held me too tight as we danced on the wedding night as a polite gesture from him to me. Neither did I see the other times he would linger around in my house for too long after guests had gone, a few months after me and Josh had moved in together. However, after three years I was no longer drunk on love – I was enjoying it with a more sober mind. But that opened my eyes to Mike. To how he watched me, how when we hugged his hand lingered very close to my bum. And instead of these things to make me feel awkward or at least tell my husband, I enjoyed it. Enjoyed the thrill, the feeling of having another mans hands over my body. And not just any man, my husbands brother.

That was when I realised that my marriage was not enough. Josh was an amazing man, great at sex, was romantic and treated me perfectly. Yes, we argued but that was normal. But he no longer had the hunger in his eyes when he saw me walk through the door and neither I for him. Instead, I kept losing my breath when Mike and I were left alone together, when he tried to kiss me when my husband had gone to get us glasses to drink wine in. Or when we had been celebrating their parents anniversary, and Mike had managed to touch me inappropriately in a crowded area. I was sure that Josh had seen, but he didn’t mention anything and I heard nothing of it – so I tried to ignore it. But with the more passes Mike made on me, the more I felt for him.

So here I was, laying on my back. My mouth in an ‘o’ shape as Mike had now thrusted himself inside me for another time. Penetrating me in time of the vibration of my phone. He grabbed a handful of my breast as my back arched in pleasure and as the strokes increased. With strength and speed, Mike continued to push me further and further to the edge. I knew it wasn’t long until I collapsed to his love, my eyes opened pleading with him to end it. He smiled as he continued to power through me, ignoring my plea and pushing himself to the brink before exploding. His whole body shaking in desire. Every muscle tensing as he tried to keep his body up above mine, whilst I crumbled below him. That was it, we had had our last fun in this world we had created for the night and now it was time to be true to ourselves.

I had a husband to confront and Mike had a brother he had just betrayed. After a few minutes of laying in silence, I sat up and went to hunt for my mobile. I didn’t put any clothes on as I had no need to hide something Mike had already seen more than enough in one night. I checked my jacket, yet couldn’t find anything. After looking for a few minutes, I found my clutch bag, which had my phone inside. I unlocked the phone and saw six missed calls from Josh and two from Clarissa. Then a few messages from both Clarissa and a few from a group conversation that I was in. I opened Josh’s message, which was frantic. He had called Clarissa and she claimed I was with her, but when failing to prove that I was there, he knew she was lying. He had started to get scared and also annoyed – the tone in his texts and voicemail had gotten a lot more serious. I needed to go home, before anything had gotten worse.

I turned back to Mike who was watching me.
“I have to go Mike.”
“I know, but I’ll see you again soon, just say you was with me when you speak to Mike. I found you a little too drunk and I took you here. I’ll come round later and explain it to him.”
“Are you crazy?”
“Trust me Sasha, say you are with me and I’ll handle everything.”
He stood up and came to me, pulling me close so that our naked bodies touched as he kissed me deeply. I was scared, but I wasn’t too sure what of. I don’t know if I was scared that Josh was going to wonder where I was, or whether this may be the last time I see Mike.
“God Sasha, if I had my way, you wouldn’t leave my side. But I know you have to go to Josh. Sasha…trust me, stick to what I said and we’ll be good.” I nodded nervously. He planted another kiss on my lips and helped me gather my things as I ran through the lie in my head. Well, it wasn’t even a lie, I did come home with Mike, but we did things I know Josh wouldn’t approve of. I just hoped my face didn’t have the events of yesterday night and this morning written all over it.

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun

Toxic – Part 1

Do you ever get that feeling when you know what is wrong, and you try so hard to stay away from that – but everything in life is pulling you closer to the wrong? No matter how many times I turn away from the temptation, or ignore the constant opportunities, the more I’m faced with it, the more I feel myself growing weak. With each opportunity I pass, I feel myself opening up to the idea more and more.

I am a loyal woman, never been swayed by temptation (baring in mind I don’t get many temptations). But then he presented himself to me, and after all the pushing I did, it seemed as though I couldn’t push him no more. I knew in every part of my body that he was wrong, toxic for me. No one has ever made me question my marriage, no one has ever made me want more. Yet, here I was watching him, watch me from across the room whilst he sat with his friends.

It was a girls night out, I felt I needed the space – with my head clogged up with all this confusion, getting out and forgetting for one night didn’t seem like a bad plan. But here I was, thinking about him again. I didn’t know he’d be here. If I did, I sure as hell wouldn’t have come here, but here he was and my girls were already ordering drinks. We located a table close to where he sat amongst his friends and drank.

It wasn’t as though I could drink, I needed a sober mind if I was going to be in the same room as him. I didn’t want to do anything that would jeopardise my marriage. My girls had started to take off their jackets and began dancing to the music of the club – me on the other hand sat still, battling with my inner demons. A quiet voice screaming at me to leave, but the demons caressing my muscles telling me to stay, no harm in watching and enticing yourself with something you’d never had and never will. My best friend Clarissa tugged on my shoulder, pulling me out of my deep thoughts and forced a glass of drink in my hand.

“Oi! Stop being so boring and drink!”

I hadn’t told Clarissa about Mike. There was nothing proud about my feelings about him to share, so I made sure I’d kept him hidden, like a dark secret you didn’t want anyone knowing about, yet was always in everyone’s face. I gave her a small smile and put the cup on the table.

“Sasha what are you doing! It is your night off for once, enjoy it – why are you sitting there like a prune?” She shouted over the music. I gave her another shrug and looked away from Mike who was watching our every move. She lifted the glass off of the table and forced them near my lips.
“You will drink Sasha! You are not going to be like this throughout the night – not on my watch.”

Before I could protest, she’d found an opening with my mouth and began pouring the drink, as I tried to lean away from her offer. She almost climbed on top of me to ensure the liquid went all the way down my throat. By now, not only was Mike, but his friends also had started to watch the show. The liquid burnt my throat as it intruded its way inside my body. As it slid its way to the bottom, small flames ignited on the inside of my body causing me to feel warmer than I had a few minutes ago. Clarissa was laughing now as my face grew tense with the burn that came with the drink. Her hand fell behind her and before I knew it, she was pressing another glass cup to my lips.

I shook my head furiously, trying to push her off of me, but failed as she had now taken seat on my laps and was begging me to drink.
“For me Sasha, please drink one more and then we can have some fun.”
I looked at her and then thought of Josh, my husband. He was never too fond of Clarissa, felt as though she was always pushing me to do things I never wanted to do. And he was never too sure what her sexuality was and for that fact, he never liked to leave me alone with her for too long. He always said he saw a look in her eyes that I never seemed to notice. But I could never vouch for that – me and Clarissa had been best friends for almost ten years, and within those years I had never thought she swung for the same team.

But as she pouted and came closer to me to make me drink, I saw a flash of who Josh had been seeing all those times ago. I opened my mouth to not only receive the drink but to drown the many voices in my head that were screaming far too many things at me. After the drink had disappeared, she wiped a drop that had escaped my lips and licked her finger. Smiling, she got off and walked to where our other friends were dancing.

Too embarrassed to look at Mike, I took my jacket off to busy my hands and stared directly at the table. He was still watching me – this time I’m sure he had a look of hunger in his eyes. It had only been a second that I looked at him, but I knew how this night was going to end. I had lost the will to fight against what my body craved for, what it thought would heal it. I took a deep breath and hoped he didn’t make his way to me, but I knew sooner or later there would be nothing stopping him, and he’d come and get what he truly wanted.

After a while, the girls returned from dancing and were all hyped. I had managed to drink a glass or two more and then watched them all chatter. Then one of Mike’s friend had approached us.
“Hello ladies.”
“OOOOooooOOOO, what can we do for you today?” Aimee said, giving him what I was sure was her most alluring face.
“Well me and my friends were getting a little bored and saw how much fun you were having and wanted to see if we could come and join you?”
“NO!” Was the voice that screamed in my head, yet my lips didn’t move in reality, instead, I watched as the girls eyed up the guys and invited them over. My heart thumped so hard in my chest, I wasn’t too sure if it was drink or the fear I had of knowing Mike was walking straight towards me – either way, I knew my heart could not slow down.

All the guys had paired themselves with a lady, others making a triplet as the women were more in numbers that the men. Mike sat close, too close to me. I tried to ignore the heat that radiated off of him as our skin brushed, but all it did was make me tingle – inside and out. Everyone chatted whilst me and Mike sat silently watching the party in front of us. Then before I was aware, Mike had grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him. The minor touch did wonders too my body, I tried to block out what it made me feel, but who was I to fight something that seemed so inevitable.

“You smell beautiful tonight Sasha.” His face pressed against my neck, so close that as he spoke his lips gently slid across my skin. I bit my lip and prayed for something to intervene, even if it was a funny look from Clarissa, anything to make me know this was a bad idea. Yet, everyone was far too enticed with their own guy to notice me. I nodded my head in thanks and felt his breath on my neck. I tried not to lean into his touch, into his warmth, into what felt like home, but before I knew it, my eyes were closed and I had leaned my head on his to feel his hair caress my cheek. He chuckled and moved to my left ear.

“You’re not fighting me off no more?”
I looked at him, watched his face analyse mine and couldn’t help but touch him. His eyes closed as my fingers trailed little touches of flames onto his skin. He opened his eyes and stared at me waiting for an answer, waiting for me to allow him to have me. Somehow, I always thought it would be him that would take me as soon as he had the chance, but here he was giving me the power, asking me whether he had permission to have me. I tried to find ‘No’ in my mind, but all I could see was ‘Yes’ and there was still a little voice within me that was telling me not to do what I wanted to do so much. I took a deep breath and came close to his lips.
“I should be fighting you off, you’re no good for me.”
A wicked smile grew on his lips and he came closer to my lips that were parted ready for him to enter inside.
“I’m no good for you now?”
“No,” I said smiling. Who had I become? Entertaining the devils dance? Knowing what was right and what was wrong. Whoever told you you’re conscious drowns out when you’re tempted was lying. The closer our lips got together, the clearer I could hear my mind scream ‘no!’ – yet it was me now that had chosen it to shut up. I forced the rebellious screams deep inside a room within my head and locked the door, leaving just my desire and Mike alone. “You are no good, but I can’t fight you off anymore.”

As the words came out my mouth in a rush, his lips met mine in a hurry. His hunger seeped through his lips and onto my own. His arm that was wrapped around my waist, had now moved towards my bum, squeezing what he could, whilst my arms found their way around his neck. I heard screams and laughter, but I couldn’t seem to pull myself away from Mike. I slipped my hands between his legs, trying to get a feel of what I was sure to come later on tonight. He moved to my neck and growled at me.
“Don’t Sasha.”
Once I had found the bulge that I had dreamt about for nearly every night for a year, I couldn’t stop myself. Rubbing on it, trying to imagine the whole length, his hand stopped mine abruptly. He pulled away from me and looked at my face. My lips now plump from the kissing, my body now scorching hot from our intimacy, now sat vibrating waiting for him to make the next move. The voice that had been screaming no in my head, was now whispering no, whilst hoping he kissed me again. If my conscious wouldn’t fight against him, what chance did I have? My inner logic had now crumpled onto the floor clutching her legs shut whilst saying no, but wanting more.

He grabbed my hand and led me outside. It was only by a second that I had managed to grab my jacket and bag and left with Mike. No one was entirely sure where we were off too, I signalled the smoking area, but neither I or Mike smoked. But who was to question when they all probably witnessed their married friend kiss another man.

Once we were outside, Mike hauled a cab and gave them an address and before I knew it, we were inside sitting in silence, but our bodies screaming for so much more. I dared to look at Mike and see that look he had on his face that showed he was going to devour every inch of my body. His hand still clutched onto mine, with a pain that oozed with ecstasy. I knew he was hanging on by a thread and if the cab man hadn’t got us to where we needed to be, Mike would take me right here.

I looked at him slowly, and was taken back when our eyes met. There was no stopping us anymore. Even if I was starting to doubt my actions, there was no way Mike would let me go. I was about to cheat on my husband with his brother and no voice of reasoning was going to stop us.

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun

The Explanation

He looked for his phone and noticed it was on the counter. He didn’t want to interrupt their meal together, but when he looked at her and realised how engulfed she was in her meal, he knew taking a quick second to text Max would be fine. Taking one last sip of his Koppaberg he pushed his chair out, making Kaitlin look up from her food in confusion.

‘I’ve just got someone to quickly contact.’ She smiled and he went on his business. She never questioned whether he had a girlfriend, not once had it come into her mind until now. She didn’t know much about this man, she didn’t know whether he was capable of cheating on a girlfriend, or a wife…however she didn’t notice a ring so she assumed if he had a partner, they were just at the first stages of their relationship. Things like this was what had her questioning what she truly wanted from this man, what was it exactly that she wanted from him? Did she just want the amazing sex? Because the sex was amazing, there was no lie about that; everything about that man (that she knew) was amazing. But, was it only the sex, or did she want more? Did she want a relationship…? All these questions had her frowning; it was too early to think about it.

He forced these unwanted thoughts down again, he’d figured what he and Kaitlin was when there was time, but right now he focused on getting a text to Max, before it would be he, that’d ruin he and Kaitlin’s next erotic session. He turned on his phone and saw notifications pop up. Another text from Max, a text from her and another phone call from her. He focused on Max’s text and read it.

 

M8! I’m worried, u haven’t replied all day! Are u okay? Just text me back!’

 

He held his head and smiled. Max was a good friend, they weren’t as close as he was with his ‘ex-best friend’ but Max had been there and was still there. In all honesty he was surprised Max hadn’t come already – with his frantic texts it seems as though Max was on his way to his house to check if he hadn’t been kidnapped or killed.

 

Yes I’m alive. I haven’t picked up becos I’ve been busy. Don’t worry, I’d rather not go out tonight & don’t worry – yes I have company…’

 

He thought about whether he should tell Max that he had company, and then thought the better of it – it was too soon, he didn’t even know what they were, before he had to start explaining to people what they were. He erased the last part and re-read the message.

 

‘Yes I’m alive. I haven’t picked up becos I’ve been busy. Don’t worry, I’d rather not go out tonight.’

 

He sent the message and then made his way back to the table, watching Kaitlin as he took his seat. He noticed the slight frown in her face; she hadn’t watched him take his seat, she’d remained focused on her Beef Chow Mein shifting the noodles from left to right.

‘What’s wrong?’ His voice startled her, all she’d thought about was what she was doing. What was she doing at his house? What was she doing sleeping with a man she barely knew? She shouldn’t have slept with him yesterday – that was bad enough. But what was bad was the fact that she’d continued this escapade with him. She needed to leave, after this make shift dinner she’d gather her clothes, which were balled up somewhere on the floor and leave…leave this façade.

‘Nothing.’ She stopped messing with the food and ran her fingers through her hair, he knew she had already began doubting herself but he didn’t know it’ll take this toll on her. He pushed his chair out and walked to her side. She still didn’t look at him as he bent down beside her, she couldn’t believe what she was doing, nothing he could say right now could change the way she felt.

‘You’re lying to me.’ He tried to grab her hand but she slowly drew into herself. He knew if he didn’t bring her out of this mood, she’d pick up her clothes and leave without any intention of coming back. He sighed and tried again. There was something about this woman that had him trying, never did he try this much, apart from his last girlfriend, but this woman was different. He knew that if he didn’t try, he could possibly lose this woman and that was something he didn’t want.
‘Kaitlin, look at me.’
She wasn’t going to look at him until he pulled her chin, so she could face him. She was confused, she didn’t want to leave this feeling this man gave to her, but she doubted whether this was a smart decision she was doing.

‘I…I just don’t know whether this,’ She motioned the two of them with her hands. ‘Is smart, for you and me. Like…what if you have a girlfriend, I don’t know if you’d cheat on her, I don’t know what type of man you are, I just know what type of lover you are.’ He looked down and then stood up. She thought he would cheat on his girlfriend for her. She believed he was a cheater. Something he despised wholeheartedly, she assumed was he – he thought of replying to her, but all of a sudden he no longer had the energy. The thoughts of his girlfriend sleeping with his best friend came flashing back into his mind, ladies he thought. They were stress, work and too much to handle – he turned and walked into his room trying to forget what his girlfriend had done to him, and what Kaitlin had assumed of him.

 

She’d insulted him, he hadn’t even replied to her, he just walked to his room and didn’t turn around. She knew she shouldn’t have said what was truly on her mind, but his stare demanded so much truth she just came out with it. She sighed and thought about getting her stuff and leaving, but something stopped her legs from functioning, at least make things right before leaving she thought. She stood up, fastened the towel around her and walked to his room. There he sat, on the edge of his bed, eyes closed and face pained, something was up – and it was her statement that had triggered those feelings. She slowly approached him and sat beside him thinking of the right words to say, but couldn’t think of anything. She took a deep breath and looked at him, trying to find the words to formulate, but when his eyes remained closed she decided to stay quiet. She didn’t want to worsen the situation, so instead she chose to stay silent, until he was ready to talk, she swore to herself she’d be there until he was ready.

 

He knew she was beside him, but he wasn’t too sure what she was doing, he wasn’t sure whether she was gathering her clothes or whether she was going to speak. But what he did know was that she hadn’t moved. She’d sat beside him in silence, waiting for what? Was something he wasn’t sure of yet. He wasn’t a cheater and the coincidence of being called a cheater so recently after his girlfriend cheated on him had taken him back. Brought memories back into his mind that had taken weeks and many ladies to suppress, but one comment had the wounds fresh as the first day it was made. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Kaitlin who’d sat there watching him, in silence, taking in his facial features, his jaw line, his nose, his eyelashes…he was a handsome man, she couldn’t deny that fact.

‘I don’t have a girlfriend…anymore. I’m single, and I wouldn’t cheat on any of my partners. I’m a loyal man, and cheating is for those who are greedy and unsure of what they want in life.’ He’d been hurt, that was evident, it was written all over his face as he spoke, she didn’t mean to insinuate that he wasn’t a faithful man, she just didn’t know much about him, which was something she planned to do – know more of him.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insinuate that you weren’t faithful, I just didn’t know what kind of man you were, I’m sorry – I shouldn’t have assumed.’ He looked at her and smiled, he knew their lack of knowledge of each other would have them assuming things, it just would take time, it’s just a shame her first assumption brought up dark memories.

‘I understand, you don’t know much about me, and likewise with you. But I’m willing to know more about Kaitlin, and I’m happy for you to know more about me.’

He stroked her face making her smile, she was prepared to get to know him, even though it wasn’t in the normal way others got to know each other – but who was normal nowadays? She stared into his eyes and bit her lips; he’d become so sensual in a matter of seconds. Compared to yesterday where he was more sexual and took a more predator persona, today he was loving, trying to please her in every way, and that was another thing about this man that she loved. He brought her face close to him and laid his lips onto hers. Her breath came out ragged as he continued to kiss her, making her lips plump. He bit her bottom lip and pulled her closer to him, she smiled and moved closer. He knew how to turn her on she thought, every little thing had her body tingling, her body slowly surrendering to his touch – this was the reason why she’d keep coming back even though nothing might have made sense, this was the one thing that did. She pulled away from him and sat on top of him, so that she sat facing him. He smiled and grab a handful of hair and kissed her hard. Each kiss had her moaning, his lips danced with hers, opening up her body ever so slowly. She took off her towel and threw it to the ground, where her clothes and underwear lay. The sight of her bare-naked had him hard instantly, he ripped of his towel almost growling as he took her into his arms and in a rush put her on his bed. He climbed on top of her and gave her his wolfish grin and put his manhood inside her. She moaned his name off of her lips and grabbed his neck and he continued to ride her.

The feel of him move inside her had her almost at her climax. The way his hips moved in perfect rhythm to her own, giving him full access to her most private and intimate place had her walls contract around him. She was surprised, Lyle had only ventured within the depths of her three times, yet it seemed that he knew his way around her body. The feeling of him slamming himself into her, then almost pulling himself out, teasing her, to then again slam back into her had her womanhood dripping. Her legs began quivering, it was happening – the same pleasure she experienced during their bathroom encounter began surging through her body. From her toes to her chest, the growing pleasure continued to ripple through her slender body, the sensation almost too much for her to bare as her back arched to suppress the feeling. As she took each breath she felt the pleasure build, it had her core drip of ecstasy and had her lips parted for some sort of release. He could feel her walls convulse around his manhood. She was close to her eruption and so was he. Each motioned had him close to his goal, the way her lips parted and her body began trembling under his control had him shaking to his climax. The view of her body under his made his mouth water – her erected nipples standing on point, and the small sweat beads on her forehead told him that the way he was devouring her body was exactly what he needed to do in order to never have her doubt him again. She could feel his hips stiffen, and her pleasure was at its peak. It was time for them to both climax. She began moving her hips on him, timing herself so that their hips came together simultaneously and then parted at the same time. Each movement she made had him clinging onto the edge of his sanity. ‘She’s trying to kill me…’ Lyle tried to compose himself but she was forcing him to cum, no matter how much he tried to hold himself back, she brought herself closer to him, so that their bodies danced together. She moved faster and faster, until the indulgence within her chest broke, making her shudder and crumble under his touch. As she shook in pleasure, he came, his back hunching as he poured his love juices into her – he couldn’t help but swear, this eruption was powerful, so powerful it had begun to take his energy. He moaned and gently collapsed on top of her, then slowly rolled beside her.

The room was silent, the only noise was their heavy breathing, he looked at her and realised she was still shaking from her climax. It was just as powerful for her as it was for him. She swore she couldn’t feel her legs, they felt numb, and her arms were heavy. She smiled and took a deep breath, feeling herself sleep into a peaceful slumber.

Hayley’s Story [Working title]

It’s happened again.

Once again I’m laying on my back, looking at the ceiling thinking, ‘is this it?’ No, like really, is this it? I look to my left and there he is, hugging me like a little child, snoring. I look back to the ceiling and sigh. Is this how it will end for me? Every night, looking at the ceiling wondering is this it. I’m sure I didn’t cum, wasn’t even close. Yet there lays my boyfriend, hugging my body tight like a lost puppy, completely tired. I can’t believe I’m back in this same position again. I even have enough time to recollect my whole life.

A few minutes pass and he wakes up.
“Sorry baby, I just slept.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ve got work tomorrow, when do you think you’re leaving?”
“Babe! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have slept – I can’t leave without pleasing you.” I chuckled quietly under my breath.
“Don’t worry, just go and we’ll talk tomorrow.”

I just wanted him out as soon as possible. It was bad enough that he slept, but to think he can now please me, when I am sure to be dried up down there like a dessert – was an absolute joke. So even though he was my boyfriend, he had to get out. I was beyond annoyed and I had work tomorrow, which I was not looking forward too. A good fucking would have probably made me walk into work a little more chirper, might have even put a spring to my step! But as that isn’t going to be the case, all I wanted to do was sleep and forget that night ever happened.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was lunch time and I still couldn’t forget the horrors of last night and called the one person who I knew would be a great ear to listen too.
“Hey Veronica, you alright?”
“Yeah I’m good, yourself?”
“Meh! I could be way better.”
“What’s up?”
“V hear this. So Marcus comes to see me yesterday. Of course I’m thinking I’m going to have a nice intimate time with my baby. But when we start to do our “thing”, he lasts for like a minute…two tops!”

Instantly Veronica started laughing. It took a while for her to stop, but once she had, I continued on with my tragic story.
“You think that’s bad, he then hugs me and falls asleep. Bitch is he being for real? Like I know you had a long day at work or whatever, but you do that and then fall asleep, whilst I’m practically still wet?”
“Hold on! He fell asleep??” Out came another burst of giggles. “God Marcus is hilarious.”
“It’s not funny V, it’s annoying. How selfish can you get?”
“Yeah but, is sex really that deep for you Hayley?” I rolled my eyes and took my food out of the microwave.
“It isn’t – well I thought it wasn’t.”
“I didn’t know getting bad dick could ruin your day.”
“It could ruin your whole week V, trust me!” We both chuckled.
“But Hayley, is it that big of a deal? Just talk to him.”
“And say what? ‘Aw babe, I can’t deal with these sessions we have, it’s just not cutting it?’ He’d be offended!”
“Well don’t say it like that you idiot. Be more sympathetic, let him know he hasn’t been satisfying you for a while and maybe he’ll put more effort in.”
“I understand what you’re saying. But to even think he asked me to,” I looked around to see if anyone was listening, and when I realised no one was eavesdropping I carried on. “suck his dick, was like a slap in the face. He’s already had his thrills and then he asked me to do that.”
“Hayley, I am on break this is too much over the phone.” She said through laughter. “Look, come meet me after work, we’ll have dinner a few drinks and then I’ll get you some good old elderly sister advice.”
“Thanks V, because I totally need it right now.”
“Oh get a grip Hayley, it’s just sex.”

Work didn’t last too long, answering calls, dropping calls, sending emails – the usual. Anyway, I got into my SmartCar and headed off to see my sister. One thing I was grateful for in this world was Veronica. The fact that I could count on her whenever and tell her almost (!) anything, was something to treasure. Even though it seemed like I was bitching about Marcus, who else was I meant to speak to regarding this issue? I couldn’t trust no one other than Veronica. I met her at our favourite bar (which happened to be five minutes away from her house, lazy bitch) and grabbed a menu.

“I am starving!”
“Hello to you too.”
“You know we don’t need to say hello.”
“It’d be normal and polite if you did Hayley.”
“Yes V, what have you ordered?”
“Nothing yet.”
“Great, let’s get two Proseccos and dough balls.” Before she could protest, I was already calling the waiter and giving him our orders.
“Prosecco? Damn you act like getting rubbish dick is a crisis.”
“Because it is V. I really didn’t think it was an issue, but I think it might be. Like I love him–”
“And that’s where I stop you. If you love him, then sex is just a thing you can work on.”
“But why has it gone downhill, not improved.”
“Maybe because you moan too much.”
“Phrasing!” We both chuckled, whilst the waiter put our glasses on the table. Just to let you in on this sisterly lingo, when we say ‘phrasing’ it just means that the phrase prior was ambiguous.
“But it’s true Hayley, if you love Marcus that much, then why let poor sex bother you?”
“Because it’s happening all the time. I don’t know V. It’s not just that, yes the sex annoyed the shit out of me, but we’re falling out a lot too. I want to have a future with him, but when his mother is like a monster to me, it just doesn’t help. Add shit sex to the mix and you have a real problem here!”
Veronica chuckled whilst sipping on her drink. “Okay, his mum is out of our control. Your petty arguments you can control. Maybe just sit down with him and try to work out how you can reduce the arguing.”
“V, when we argue, he makes me feel like it was all my fault. Like I was the one who caused it.”

“Are you sure you’re just not reading into things too much, I know how you are?”
“V, if after every petty argument, I feel like I am a issue, that’s saying something about our relationship. Is it making me a better person or worse?”
“Don’t overthink it Hayley, I think shit dick and petty arguments have gotten you a little too observant.”
“But it’s true V, no playing around now.” She put her glass down and watched me talk. “We have these arguments, and then we don’t talk. When we do talk, I feel like shit, because apparently it was all my fault.”
“What makes you think it’s your fault?”
“He says stuff like, ‘I don’t get why you behave like this’ – like my actions have caused yet another disagreement between us. It’s stressful for me.”
“Wow, see how rubbish sex can shine one hell of a light on a relationship.”
“I know. It sucks, and I want to speak to him about it, but I cannot handle another, ‘babe where do you get these thoughts from?’ Making me sound crazy.”
“You know what Hayley, lets have a good time tonight. I know you feel a little down and I know that shit sex didn’t help, but lets not think too much about this. We’ll drink today and then sober up tomorrow and think of how to deal with this issue.”
“Alright.”

So we drank and ate and drank some more. It was nice just being with my sister. She was more like a best friend that I never wanted to lose. We joked around and never shared a cringing moment, like others do. After drinking and finishing another bottle of Prosecco, we knew it was time to get home. Luckily for her she lived just a few minutes away, but for me, I was in no state to drive.
“Stay at mine then!”
“I can’t, I have work tomorrow. I need to change.”
“Call Marcus then, he’ll get you home.”
“Yeah I will. Don’t worry about me V, you get home. I’ll text you once I get home.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes I’m bloody sure, now get out of here!”
She chuckled and began walking home. I didn’t want her to get home too late, so it was best she went home before I did. Even though she was my big sister, I was more confident and aggressive than she was. If anyone was planning on jumping me tonight, I was going to put up a fight. Sober or drunk, it wasn’t going to be easy.

I got my phone out ready to call Marcus, when it slipped through my fingers and on to the ground.
“Shit!”
I bent down to pick it up, when I felt someone else’s hand cover my own. Instantly, I jumped back, whilst grabbing my phone tightly. In fright, I stumbled backwards and lost my balance, landing straight onto my back. With my legs tangled up together and my sight  getting more unbalanced, I wasn’t too sure whether being left alone was the smartest idea.
“Are you okay?” A lady’s voice spoke. Closing my eyes tight and then opening them up slowly, my vision returned.
“Yeah I’m fine.”
“Let me help you up.” Before I could shoo her away, she had already managed to pick up me and lift me to my feet. The motion was a little too fast for me to handle, causing me to sway left to right.
“Okay doll, how are you getting home?”
“Marcus, I need to call Marcus to drive me home.”
“Do you want me to call him for you?”
God, was I that much of a mess. Not only could I not stand alone, but I couldn’t even call Marcus without help. I needed to get myself together and fast.
“No I should be okay.” I tried to walk away from her, but without her help, my knees wobbled, causing me to hit the ground once more. She lifted me up again and walked me to my small SmartCar.

“Is this your car doll?”
“How did you know?”
“You’ve been pointing your car keys at this car for a while, so I took a wild guess. Come on let’s get you inside.” She opened up the passenger door and sat me inside, gently reaching over my shoulder to put the seatbelt on. And then went to the drivers seat and got in. Closing and locking the door behind her.
“Oh God, if you’re going to rob me, do it now. I can’t fight back. But don’t kill me.” She chuckled and faced me.
“I’m not going to kill you or rob you, I’m going to drop you home.”
“But you don’t have to, Marcus will do it.”
“Marcus… I assume is Mr.Lame Dick?” My eyes widened at her remark.
“Excuse me?”
“The more you drank, the louder you got. So I kind of heard you speaking about lame sex.” She laughed once more, “It was funny.”
I closed my eyes and inwardly moaned. This cannot be happening. How have I ended up in a situation like this?
“So where do you live doll?”
“18 Dorset Avenue.”
“I’ll get you home in no time.”

And with that I fell asleep.

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun

The Microcosm Between Them

He woke up and almost forgot what had occurred that morning, but the sight of Kaitlin lying in his arms was enough to remind him that it wasn’t a dream. He gently rolled her off him and wrapped his duvet over her slender body and walked to the kitchen to get himself some water. It was only five in the afternoon, it seemed later, but maybe that was because his morning was filled with passion and sex. He grinned to himself and saw his phone buzz, he was so engulfed in the microcosm he had built with this woman that he’d forgotten that people still wanted to communicate with him. He grabbed his phone and saw a text message from his friend from yesterday, and another which he knew he wouldn’t be opening, let alone be thinking about. He opened his friends text and read it:           

                ‘U alive? I’ve called U and U haven’t picked up, I know y’day was boring, but I thought it would be good for U to get out… just call or reply, I’m going out tonight, properly and I think U’ll enjoy this one way better.’ 

He looked at his bedroom door and imagined himself leaving to go out tonight and the thought alone made him laugh.  He was fine where he was and with whom he was with. He put his phone down, and took another gulp of water, he was thirsty and hungry, he picked up his phone and dialed his regular Chinese store and ordered a bunch of food hoping he ordered something she liked. Once that was done he walked back to his room when he heard her on the phone.

She’d woken up as soon as he’d moved her, but she decided to remain still, then he left and hadn’t returned. During his absence her phone had rung twice, so she decided to get out of her fake sleep and answer the phone. Once she got up and had found her phone she almost regretted her attempt in trying to answer it as it was her boss.

‘Hi?’

‘Kaitlin, how are you? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for some time.’

‘Oh, sorry, I’ve been…’ Busy? That was a huge understatement; she couldn’t help the smile that had crept onto her lips, whilst she replied. ‘Occupied.’

‘Well, how did you find yesterday night then? You shot off really quickly, I thought maybe we could get some drinks afterwards, just a thank you for accompanying me to the event.’ She rolled her eyes and tried to block out the poorly hidden attempt of trying to get some alone time with her and focused on his first question.

‘The event was okay. It was good to build contacts.’

‘Well, tonight there’s another and I was just thinking whether you wanted to join me again?’ Just as she was about to decline she felt strong arms embrace her from behind. She turned around and he smiled shaking his head, he gave her a small kiss and then whispered to her.

‘You’re mine tonight.’ Her stomach instantly had butterflies and her toes began tingling, she began blushing whilst looking at him.

‘I’m afraid I’ve made plans.’

‘Oh, and you can’t postpone them just for one night?’ He grabbed her tighter attempting to not get irritated by whoever was on the other end of the line. He had finally got her to himself, he wasn’t about to let that go just yet. He began kissing her neck making her grasp, she hummed silently, whilst holding him with a firmer embrace.

‘I’m sorry I can’t.’

‘Fine, see you at work this Saturday.’ And with that he cut the phone, he was a punk, and Lyle didn’t care if he was annoyed because Lyle wanted Kaitlin to himself, and he wanted her throughout the whole night.

‘My boss.’  She said as he picked her up, then threw her phone on the bed whilst walking them to his bathroom. He put her in the bath and then climbed in afterwards, she knew what was coming next and she couldn’t help but smile. He grabbed the shampoo and poured it onto her hair whilst running the water. She giggled as he massaged her scalp; he took a small peak at her and smiled.

‘What’s so funny huh?’ She held his chest and the water cascaded down her back and through her hair.

‘Nobody has done this for me before, it feels different, but nice.’ He chuckled and continued massaging her head.

‘Keep your eyes closed.’ She nodded, and before she could finish a nod he’d wrapped a handful of her hair in his hands and pulled her head backwards, letting the water pour all over her face as he kissed her neck. She let her mouth open, allowing water to flow into her mouth. He pulled her head back up then kissed her whilst still washing her hair. He nibbled her ear, then gently pulled her hair back into the water to rinse off the shampoo.

‘That feels good.’ She smiled, whilst the water removed all the foam from her head, he pulled her forward and then kissed her on the lips. Her eyes flew open as she watched this man, take her breath away over and over again. This was something she didn’t want to lose, not yet. She pulled him under the water and allowed the water to touch them both, in an instant he looked like a model, the water moving down his body, caressing every muscle and feature on him. She lifted her leg, signalling him to lift her; he looked at her and smiled picking her up. She wriggled on top of his manhood and he groaned not understanding how many times in a day he’d have to have sex with this woman to be fully satisfied.

 He entered the place he felt most contained and began pumping into her fast. The speed of his movement had their bodies clapping the water off of them, her moans and his groans echoed in the house. Synchronized moans bounced off the walls in the bathroom. She didn’t know how many times he could make her cum in one day, but she was willing to find out. He continuously entered her, fast and slow, hard then soft, her nails scratching his back in ecstasy. She was waiting for that moment, the moment every woman desired during sex, the moment when the pleasure built so much that she’d feel it within her chest. Then once the pleasure had grown to the point she could no longer take it, no longer bare the amount of indulgence she was experiencing, she’d release her juices on his manhood. And she was nearly there. The more he groaned and slammed into her, the more the feeling she waited for grew in her chest. Every connection, every touch, every sigh, groan, grasp had her coming closer to her climax.

She knew it was coming, she couldn’t help smile, she loved this feeling, the feeling of being complete, the feeling of being fully satisfied, but just as she was about to erupt the main door began knocking.  

In that moment they both looked at each other and froze, they both were close to climax, and now was the time for someone to decide to come and ruin their moment? Kaitlin quickly thought about how much noise she was truly making, maybe it was the neighbors asking them to keep it down…or maybe it was Max, Lyle thought. Would he really come to check up on him if he didn’t reply to any of his texts? He looked at the bathroom door and then swore to himself. He was so close to cumming, then this had to happen. Kaitlin wanted him to answer the door, but she wanted him to stay more. He kissed her lips, then whispered in her ear, ‘After I find out who this is, I’ll be back for you.’ She smiled and watched him as he came out of her, put her down gently, grabbed a towel then left to find out who it was to mess up their moment. Whoever this was, had better have a good reason to interrupt him and her during their time of bonding, he opened the door and saw his local Chinese deliveryman. He’d forgotten that he’d ordered Chinese, it seems like so long ago from now. The man watched him, acknowledged the lack of clothes he wore and either believed he’d just finished having a bath or he wasn’t alone, and the face Lyle wore made him know he hadn’t just interrupted a bath.

 ‘Your food sir.’ Lyle, who was still thinking about the woman he left dripping with water in his bath, quickly gathered some change, which was probably more than the actual price and handed it to the man.

‘Thanks.’ He began closing the door, until the delivery man’s voice had him pausing.

‘Oh, what about your change?’ Lyle looked at the man and shrugged, he’d rather not lose his hard-on talking about the specifics of change with the guy, when he could be putting his hard-on to good use with the only woman he wanted to spend today with. He closed the door and put the food on the table. During his small conversation with the guy Kaitlin decided to get out of the bath. There was always tonight she thought and once that pressure had slowly stopped beating hard within her chest she knew it’d take a while to come back. She’d have many more times to orgasm, she thought and with Lyle she knew that was a promise. She wrapped a spare towel around herself and left the bathroom, watching him try to cut the conversation between him and the deliveryman short. Once the door was closed, she snuck up behind him, then hugged him as he was placing the food on the table. She didn’t know if he was expecting people as it looked like he’d ordered for five, not two. He turned to look at her and smiled.

‘Didn’t I tell you to wait for me in the bath?’

‘Yes you did, but I thought we could wait for tonight…unless you have people coming over?’ He looked at her properly and wondered why she’d think anyone else was coming over. Unless she’d seen his phone…and seen the text he’d never read.

‘Why’d you think that?’ She smiled and touched the lines between his eyebrows.

‘Don’t frown; it’ll ruin that handsome face of yours. And it looks like you’ve ordered for five people.’ He couldn’t help but burst out into laughter. He’d panicked, never had he done that before, it was just the quantity of the food that had her questioning. He had to laugh at his stupidity, after composing himself he smiled and kissed her nose.

‘I wasn’t too sure with what you liked, so I got a range of things. I was just thinking about you.’ She looked down blushing, this man was smooth, everything just seemed too unreal, too superficial, he seemed too good to be true.

‘Do you enjoy making me blush?’ He chuckled, a low rumble in his throat, almost music to her ears, he lifted her chin and smiled down at her.

‘A little bit, I hope you don’t mind.’ She smiled and shook her head, then her head turned to the food. She’d been at it for so long with him she’d forgotten she was hungry, but just smelling the food once made her remember how much she wanted food.

‘It smells good.’

‘You want to eat?’ She nodded. He grabbed her hand and walked her over to the table, once she’d sat down; he grabbed two plates and a couple cutleries then laid them on the table.

‘So what would you like?’ Before she could control herself, her mouth moved before she could stop them.

‘Beef Chow Mein.’ He smiled and thought of the coincidence, the dish she chose was the dish he actually ordered for himself, he dished some out into her plate and then dished some out into his own. He grabbed some water, cider and juice from the fridge and laid it on the table, not completely sure which she preferred. She looked at the selection of liquids and wondered what he was going to chose. She loved her Kopperberg, but during Chinese? It might be acceptable in her own household but everyone was different. She was going to grab the water, but water wasn’t what she wanted, she grabbed the Koppaberg and watched his reaction. He loved how she chose with precision, he knew she wanted to be ‘respectable’, but he truly didn’t care, he loved a woman who was herself, and had no shame about it. He also took a Koppaberg, knowing that was the beverage he was going to get from the start.

‘Are you just copying me now?’ She said with a smile not too far from her lips, he smiled and shook his head.

‘Hey, I like my cider too.’

‘I was contemplating drinking water, but I like my Koppaberg far too much to let it pass.’ He chuckled and she smiled digging into her meal. They both ate, having small talk in-between, mostly they smiled at each other, or just focused on their meal. He thought about Max knocking on his door to see if he was okay, and decided a text back wouldn’t hurt.

 

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun

Rachel – Part 1

What was one meant to do when they caught the person they loved cheating on them with the person they thought was family? Was one meant to cry? Lash out? Or simply stand and digest the image before them? Well, when I found myself watching my husband and sister make passionate love together, I found myself contemplating which of the three options I was meant to do.

At first I was sure I was going to break down and cry. I mean, after seeing the husband you devoted nine years of your life to, make love to your sister who you’ve known for the whole of your life – and good sex may I add – of course breaking down seemed to be the right thing to do. But before the tears had found a way to the surface, anger managed to find its way there first.

I’d trusted them both and this was how they repaid me? By going behind my back and abusing my love for them both. The sight made me furious and the more angry I found myself, the faster I wanted to jump in that bed and rip them both apart. But, eventually I realised that the muscles in my body didn’t have the energy or will to move. Even though I was boiling with unmeasurable anger, my muscles didn’t lunge me forward as I thought they would. Instead, I stood rooted. In my spot, just watching how my husband and sister made love.

To be totally honest, the way he moved around her body, made me realise it wasn’t his first time of roaming her. He’d been there before and the way she reacted to his touch, arched her back to his foreseeable action was another reminder that they had performed this more than once.

They wasn’t aware of my presence. It was a party, a crowded one at that. He’d snuck off a while ago, telling me he had to make a business call. I mingled for an hour or so, but it was then I realised how long he had been gone. So like any cliched scenario, I went looking for him. I checked everywhere. The house where the party was hosted at was absolutely huge, it was almost too ridiculous to be true. The owners were swimming in cash and that was all because of the investments and deals they’d worked upon previously that turned out to be a success for them. My husband (who was now passionately kissing my sister) had worked for them and was invited to the party. Along with my sister, who currently works for them, was also invited. So I was the tag along in that sense.

Anyway, after looking for my husband for almost 15 minutes, I stumbled across a room down a hallway. It seemed occupied, and with the amount of guests in the house, I wasn’t surprised one of the many rooms would be vacant by some horny men and women. But my curiosity got over me, and I just wanted to be sure it was no-one I knew who was being a little naughty in a billionaires house. But to my surprise it was my husband and sister.

So what is my next move you’re wondering? It was simply shutting the door. I know it sounded ridiculous, but I guess it was too fictional for me to believe what I’d just seen was true. I knew I was going to catch somebody misbehaving, I just didn’t know it’d be at my own expense. I crept back down the stairs, mind blank and hands shaking. Was I angry? Was I sad? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. In a couple of seconds my whole equilibrium had smashed and I wasn’t sure what to do or where to go.

I decided leaving would be best. Get a taxi home and consider what to do next in regards of my husband and us living together. But in my daze I managed to bump into Damion. One of the hosts to tonight’s party. He gave me a sweet smile and it was then things rushed back to me. Pieces to the puzzle that I couldn’t put together seemed to slam into their places. Emotions that I couldn’t quite understand, began overflowing in my mind. With a everything so clear in my mind, the images of Craig sleeping with Camila, flashed in my mind causing the tears I was so sure had disappeared, reappear right in front of Damion.

“Are you okay Rachel?” I was considering how to respond to his question, but with more tears threatening to pour even more, I decided causing a scene was not in my nature. So I gently pushed passed him and rushed for the exit, hoping no-one else noticed the mascara run down my face.

Out in the cold, I began walking towards the gates that lead onto the streets. In hope I’d find a taxi and make my way home. People were drunk and laughing in groups near the exit, and being seen was the last thing I wanted, so I rushed passed the laughing and flirting before anyone had noticed Craig’s wife leaving without him. I managed to get to the gate without any questions about why I was crying, when I felt a firm hand clasp my shoulder. Turning around, I was met by Damion’s stare. Concern veiled his eyes and I could sense his worry grow the more he analysed me.

“What’s wrong Rachel?” I attempted to shuffle out of his grip, but failed as he made sure I didn’t run off from him again. “What’s happened? Why do you keep trying to run from me?”

“Don’t worry Damion.”

“Where’s Craig? Shouldn’t he be helping you?” The sound of his name made me wince physically and emotionally. I wasn’t able to hide the pain that came along with his name. Damion noticed my reaction and looked at me deeply.

“Please let me go Damion.”

“What did he do Rachel?” With my lip trembling, I knew I didn’t have the strength to bring myself to say what Craig had done to me and the nine years of my life that I’d given to him. Instead, I found myself crying harder than I had previously. Damion drew me to his chest, allowing me to cry on him whilst he soothed me rubbing my back and stroking my hair.

I didn’t know Damion as well as I knew his brother Chase. I’d gone to a number of conventions and events with Craig hosted by both Damion and Chase, but it always seemed to be Chase I spoke with. Whilst Damion conversed with the big shots. So having him hold me and soothe me in my time of need was more than a surprise to me. He gave me the chance to collect my emotions before raising my head from his chest, which was now damp with my tears.

“I’m sorry Damion, I’ve ruined your suit.”

“Don’t be silly, it’s fine. What’s wrong Rachel?”

“I don’t want to talk about it Damion.”

“But –”

“Please Damion, I just want to go home.” If home was what I could even call it now.

“Fine, let me take you home.”

“You don’t have to do that.” It was bad enough I’d cried on this man’s chest who I barely knew, but for him to leave his own party to drive me home was more than enough.

“But I will.” And with that he grabbed my hand and took me to one of his cars. The driver had stepped out to let us both in the back and then closed the door for us. In silence, I stared out the window too confused to comprehend what I’d just gotten myself into, but almost 100% sure the next wave of tears wasn’t too far from the surface.

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun

Elliot & I [Part 2]

I hadn’t seen Elliot since our intimate moment on the balcony where we found ourselves confessing our love for each other one moment and then where I found myself being pulled away from him the next. I wasn’t sure what mother planned to do with me as she dragged me closer to the hall that evening. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I wasn’t even sure if she could do anything more to increase the pain I had begun feeling. But when she abruptly stopped near the rotating doors that led into the ceremonial hall and faced me and said,

“Love? You think you love him Alexandra? You no nothing of love, so get that out of your head.” It was then I realised that mother could actually somehow make this already bad situation worse. Even now as I lay on the bed thinking about that evening, I wouldn’t forget how she felt no sympathy towards my emotions. Instead she sent me to the toilet to get cleaned up (as she stood guard outside) and then told me to not utter a word throughout the rest of the night. Not as though I was planning to talk someone’s ear off anyway. It didn’t help that once we did return back to our seats, Elliot and his family had left. I couldn’t even have another chance to see Elliot and explain my love for him, explain to him how important his love is to me.

And here I lay, two weeks since I’d shared that passionate moment with him, I can’t help but find myself grow impatient. Every day grew more harder without speaking with him or seeing him. Not as though we saw each other frequently, but at least we had the opportunity to text. But ever since mother caught us, she made sure my phone was confiscated. Not only that she made it a necessity that anywhere I went I was to be guarded. I wasn’t under any threat, well – she’d say Elliot was enough to be a threat. But because of her lack of trust in me (I could only presume), the security men followed me wherever I went. I could barely leave my room without one of the guards trailing behind me, like an unwanted shadow. What still puzzled me was the fact my father hadn’t sat me down to discuss what had occurred. I was sure my mother would have instantly told my father as soon as we got into settled into the limo on our way home that night. But after he continuously spoke about business deals and future movements with other companies, I realised he knew nothing of my venture with Elliot on the balcony. Which surprised me as to why my mother would spare me? It’s almost to impossible to believe she would do anything to protect me, especially when it came to Elliot. But I knew she hadn’t told father, so I made sure I didn’t bring it up.

There was many times I thought about sneaking away from the guard that was allocated to watch over me. Last week I tried to lose Mr O’Neil in the hustle and bustle of the London streets. But after I believed to have gotten away, he showed up in front of me a few minutes later. These men were trained to follow orders and it was then I knew no amount of plotting or sneaking away would actually be successful. I sat up, tired of being caged away in my room with nothing other than my thoughts to keep me company. I was exhausted of thinking about how Elliot was or what he was getting up to. I didn’t want to think about how only two weeks ago did he confess his love to me and my mother and now I no nothing of how he currently feels. I had to do something to ease my anxiety. I slipped my feet into some casual slippers that were laid just near my wardrobe and opened my room door. I was done laying waiting for something to happen. I was going to make sure I saw Elliot today.

As I opened the door Fredrick stood firm, his gaze looking straight ahead, whilst his body remained upright and ready to defend. When he saw me walk out, he looked at me.
“Fredrick there’s somewhere I need you to drive me.”
“Miss Alexandra, I’ve received orders that you should remain at home whilst your mother and father attend their meal tonight.”
“Fredrick I understand you’ve taken orders, but there is somewhere I must desperately go. If you fail to take me, I will find my own way there. And there is nothing you can do to stop me.”
I looked at Fredrick’s build and slightly chuckled in my head. If Fredrick wanted me back in my room, there were more than ten ways he could do so without breaking a sweat. But I was determined to see Elliot today. Especially with my parents out having dinner, there wasn’t going to be an opportunity like this anytime soon. I had to seize the opportunity.
“And where would you be going Miss Alexandra?”
I hadn’t decided on the lie I was to tell Fredrick, but if I hesitated for just a second, he would know that I was planning on meeting Elliot.
“I’d prefer to direct you myself. It’s private.”

The guards had no right to intervene with our personal lives. They were there for a job and that job purpose only. Fredrick understood he had no right to question my privacy, which pained me to see him disobey his orders. But I had to start doing things for myself or else I’d never find happiness. He gave me a stern nod and walked me out of the house to the family car, ready for his directions. It took a while for us to arrive at Elliot’s house. I made sure the directions I gave Fredrick were beyond complicated so he couldn’t trace where exactly I was going. But as soon as he saw the road name, he parked the car and turned off the engine.
“Miss Alexandra –”
“Fredrick I won’t be a second. Please remain here whilst I just go and return something to someone.” Without another word, I left the car before he could stop me. My heart pounded against my chest as I grew excited knowing soon I’d see Elliot. Soon I’d be with him, in his embrace, digesting our newfound love for each other. I walked passed a few cars before getting to his property. Normally two or three cars would be parked in his driveway, however tonight, a row of cars were lined up, and even spilling to the street where other cars were parked. I quietly snuck passed the entrance and begun making my way to the back of his house, where a vine which clasped on tightly to the bricks of his home would be awaiting me to climb right into the window of his room. The vines were beside the kitchen window, where it seemed the event that must have been occurring at Elliot’s house was taking place. Different voices emerged from the kitchen, whilst cutleries were being played with constantly. Elliot could be amongst them and probably was, but I was willing to wait for him in his room, rather than check if he sat with the cluster that seemed to be going on in his kitchen.

After testing a vine or two, I started to climb up when a voice from the kitchen stopped me in my tracks.
“That fucking Harold Bennett, you know what if I had the choice to build my business or kill him…I’d kill him.” The kitchen burst out into laughter, as the male voice choked on his own laughter and continued. “No that man is a bastard. I still don’t understand how a nigger has managed to get what he’s got. Can you imagine Clifford is till this very day struggling on receiving clients for his upcoming technology program he’s starting. And there’s Harold Bennett, not even giving a fucking damn. I told him about Clifford and he said he’ll ‘sort something out’,” He huffed and continued. “Sort something out, the cheek like we need help from him, from people like him.”
“It’s ridiculous how things have changed.” A feminine voice spoke after the room had settled to listen to the mans story. Quickly climbing down from the vines, I slowly creep up to the window, just to see who was talking so poorly of my father. But recognised no one, just a room full of people in suits and dresses, eating a meal and bad mouthing my father.
“Don’t worry Jo, they always seem to fuck themselves up one way or the other. Am I right?”
The room fell into laughter again as these strangers mocked my family and my race. Stunned, I couldn’t find the energy to stop watching, to leave and tell Fredrick to drive me home. No, instead I looked around. Hoping to not see anyone I recognised, it was bad enough these people I knew nothing of was praying for my father to face a downfall, but if it was people I recognised I wouldn’t know what I’d do. But then I saw him. Elliot, sitting down with a plate full of food, chuckling with them. Finding the words that cut so deep to me amusing. I wasn’t sure I was seeing accurately. But the more I stared at him, the clearer everything became. He agreed with what they were saying. I shouldn’t be shocked, my father always made it obvious to him that he didn’t like Elliot. But I never assumed this would have had an affect on how he saw the rest of us. The scene that was before me was far too much for my brain and heart to comprehend. Who was Elliot? Elliot, the same man that I just recently confessed my love too, was the same man that sat amongst racists and found their disrespectful words amusing. Even as I stood there in what I can only assume was shock, I couldn’t help but remember my parents. Remember their own narrow mindset and how discriminating it was at times. They never truly gave me a reason why they disliked Elliot so passionately, but it was obvious his skin colour was a factor. So did that mean I had a right to be angry? My parents were just as bad as the strangers in suits and dresses that sat around the table hoping for my father to fail and belittling my race?

With the pain, hurt and confusion slowly slipping its way into my muscles, I found the energy to turn away. Not aware of Elliot’s mum who stood a few steps away from me, watching me watch them talk about my father. With a pained look in her eye, she followed my previous gaze onto Elliot and then returned her gaze back to me. With no words to say that could possibly explain or reduce the shock I received, I walked passed her and back to Fredrick. Wishing I stayed in bed.

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun

The Caller

With the keys loose in my hands, I wonder whether unlocking the door and stepping inside is worth it or whether I should go with what my gut is saying and simply turn away. Recently, nothing had been drawing me back here, apart from the fact it’s a permanent place to sleep, but even that I’ve had to question whether it was really worth it? The flame that was once ignited and alight a few years back has most definitely died out. But yet we still smile, put a façade on, not only to others but also to ourselves. It doesn’t help the situation, and maybe in the back of my mind for some unbelievable reason, I feel as though it’s the easiest option; another action I’ve questioned myself on for several months now.

I sigh and put the key into the lock of the door. This had become a ritual; nearly every night after work, I’d find myself slumped and lethargic always questioning why I’m at this door every night. And every night I find myself unlocking the door and entering with a cheer in my voice that never was there previously, but all in an act that my wife and I had coaxed.

“Evening Martha!” I loosened my tie and placed my briefcase on the ground near the umbrella stand and hung my key onto the key holder, placed just beside the coat hangers. I shrugged my coat off of my shoulders whilst using my ears to predict where she was. There were no footsteps in the front room; neither was any sound coming from upstairs, so with that in mind I made my way into the kitchen. It was only until I started making my way towards the corridor, did the aroma of mince and meatballs make its way into my nostrils. I lingered just a little longer, remembering how hungry I was until I got to the kitchen.

There she stood, in a big T-shirt that I used to wear until she’d claimed it, with headphones on, swaying her hips to the music. It took a while for me to comprehend what I was witnessing. It had been months since I last saw my wife this way, and it felt odd. Maybe the love that should have been there from the start was making a way back into my system, and that feeling was beyond foreign. The way she stirred the mince with not only her hands but also her hips had me itching to run towards her and shake her asking her what went wrong between us. I took a step further into the kitchen, with my eyes fixed on her and unfastened my shirt button. Seeing my wife like this, in a light I was so sure had died, began to make the impossible possible in my mind. So what if things hadn’t been going right these last couple months isn’t that what was meant to occur in normal marriages? There wasn’t a manual to the perfect marriage or a strict guideline we had to follow in order to ensure our marriage was crystal clear, and thinking about it now, I don’t understand why I panicked so much when things took a turn for the worse. Maybe I should have tried. Maybe I shouldn’t have given up so quickly. Lost in thought, I hadn’t notice she’d turned around, stunned to see me there.

“You nearly scared me half to death!” She said, clutching her chest with one hand whilst the other removed the headphones from her head. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry about scaring you, I was just lost in thought.” She smiled and turned around resuming her cooking, with her music still audible from the headphones. I walked behind her, and gave her a hug. Something I hadn’t done in such a long while, show affection towards her. Even the act was strange to me, but soon enough that feeling dissipated and before I knew it, I’d put my head to her neck and drank her scent in. At first her body was stiff, also aware of the strange notion that I showed her, but sooner or later she stopped mixing the mince and meatballs and rested her head on mine. With no words shared between us, we both knew that whatever was occurring was something to cherish, whether it was something temporarily or going to last, we both knew that enjoying this current feeling was most important. Soon after what seemed like a long amount of time, she turned around and sighed, with her eyes closed.

“Richard, what happened?” She didn’t even need to complete her question because I knew instantly what she was addressing. With her hand on each of my cheeks, I take a deep breath and try to conjure up the best answer to explain our situation.

“I don’t know Martha.” I watched her bite her lip nervously, with her nostrils flaring and her eyelashes slowly turning moist. I hadn’t planned on her crying, I was never too sure what to do when I was faced with an emotional woman, but tonight everything seemed to just fall in place, almost like the gods has finally pitied us and allowed all the pieces to fall, so that our incomplete puzzle could get solved. I wrapped my arms around her waist and placed my forehead on hers.

“It’ll get better Martha, I don’t know why things have gone the way they have, but it’s not the end. I’m willing, I never thought I would be, but I am, and I really hope you are too.” Her eyes opened, allowing a couple of tears to escape. She nodded and sniffed back more tears that threatened to show.

“Will it Richard? Because I’ve been asking myself this question for months now and it never did.”

“I can’t promise you anything Martha, but I will try and that’s more than what I’ve been doing these last few months. If you’re willing to try, then so will I.” With the cards in her hands, she took a deep breath and nodded.

“I don’t mind. I’ve missed you…us.” With tears on her cheek and a sob close to her mouth, I embrace her fully, trying to prove my change. Because I have to be honest with myself, I hadn’t been the best husband, intentionally working late just to avoid Martha, lying about business trips just to get a few days to myself and that’s not even considering the other lies. But, in hope that’s all behind me, I focus on Martha. I pull away from her and wipe her stray tears.

“Don’t cry,” I look towards the food, “it smells good.” Then it hit me, she looks good, more than just the average good, for some months now she hadn’t enticed me, her appearance had merged with the annoying personality I’d seen and everything had blurred. But now, with things becoming slightly clearer, I could take in her beauty. Her chestnut hair fell passed her shoulders, a sharp contrast to her somewhat pale skin that I always enjoyed watch turn pink or red. Her freckles lightly decorating her nose and cheeks accompanied by a rosy colour, made me smile, it surprises me how long it’s taken me to truly observe and admire my wife. Her plump peach lips, swollen only just a little due to her biting it previously, had all those reasons I married her rush back at me full force. It was too late to right my former wrongs, but at least this was a start. With no hesitation I bent down, only being taller than her by a few inches, give it four of five and kissed her. Eyes closed and heart beating, I grabbed a handful of her hair enjoying the feel of her hair in my hands, the softness between my fingers was like no other. She, reacting in sync with me, grabs my shirt and pulls me closer towards her. Almost as though the proximity between us wasn’t enough, the time we’d wasted wasn’t something we could get back in reality. But between us, we know we had to make up for lost time. Now switching fluids, remembering her taste, I made sure it my personal duty to not let any go to waste. Everything I received was never going to be enough, her scent, her touch, her taste, it wouldn’t amount to the months of separation, but I was sure to make her forget about those years. It was the least I could do and it was written in my vows, so I had to abide by my words and fulfil my promises.

Even air was something I was prepared to sacrifice, just to get more time with her. She pulled away with the only noise being made between us was our attempt in catching our breaths.

“God I’ve missed you.” She said through breaths. Releasing my embrace, I kiss her once more remembering the sharp pain in my stomach.

“I’ve missed you more than you can imagine, and I could take you away here and now, but I want to be sure that when I do make up for loss time, I go for hours and right now I need to restore my energy.” With my eyes fixed on the spaghetti, letting her subliminally know that I’m hungry, she smiles and playfully hits me.

“Go get changed and I’ll make you a plate.” I give her another kiss, which takes longer than planned, but eventually stops as I pull away and dash upstairs, with a newfound hope in my mind. I get to the room and begin to change. Things would have to change, that I’m prepared to do. To be fair, I have to be prepared. This is my marriage on the line and with sense more apparent in my mind; nothing is worth putting my marriage at risk. I can’t actually define when things went wrong between Martha and I, her mother is a little intrusive and it doesn’t help that she involves her in every one of our issues, but that’s a hurdle I’m prepared to address and overcome when the time comes. Right now all that’s on my mind is how I’m about to devour my meal and then my wife.

Buzz Buzz

I reach for my phone in my suit jacket and unlock it, seeing that I have a missed call and a message. I open the message and there, Jennifer’s name pops up. I had a few lies during the months Martha and I were on a break, some worse than others. Jennifer being one of the ones I planned to bury deep in the ground with me. I wasn’t planning to read the message, but as soon as I was about to disregard it another came through, more alerting than the previous one.

Jennifer:

First message: ‘Baby I miss you and I can’t stop thinking about you.’

Second message: ‘I’m not sure with what’s been going on between us recently, but I hope tonight we could rekindle some of our love? Get back at me soon.’

Jennifer was one of my employees whom I worked with on a frequent basis. She just seemed to perfectly fit into my schedule. If she wasn’t working with me constantly, she was asking whether she needed my assistance and as you could imagine I grew very fond of her. Not only was she there, she was something I needed at that time, she enticed me in every way…or so I thought. Day by day her shirt became tighter and her trousers became skirts, which eventually became shorter. The first night I fully noticed her and acted upon it, I was physically drained with the problems at home with Martha, so I decided to stay at work late that night. I had no work to do, but the comfort of my office was better than home. I wasn’t aware that Jennifer had also stayed late, it was only until a knock was at my door and her head poked through the tiny gap between the door and the wall, was when I knew she was still there.

“You alright Richard you seem a little stressed?” I could barely merit a response, I thought I was alone and to find out I wasn’t was a shock. But I told her I was fine, of course that wasn’t enough for her, so she invited herself in my office and decided I talk about my issue. It was the first time I spoke to anyone about Martha, I’m usually the type to keep my own issues to myself, but that night, I guess I was stressed beyond reasoning. Eventually, she offered a back massage.

“Trust me Richard, if I wasn’t working here, I’d earn a good living off being a masseuse.” I chuckled and allowed her to massage me. At first her hands remained on my shoulders, then my chest and slowly my thighs. I couldn’t find it in myself to stop her, it was the first time in a while my penis had awakened, by someone other than porn. One thing led to another and that night I buried myself deep with Jennifer. After that night, I continued to bury myself deep within Jennifer, it was a place of solace and my escapism, I didn’t have to think about work, home or my failing marriage, instead I could just think about how her walls convulsed around me and had me shivering. I knew the risks, not only about my marriage but having frequent sex with a employee was dangerous, but Jennifer seemed to be understanding to those boundaries, so I continued. Before I knew it, I needed Jennifer more and more; I’d call her to meet me in various locations, just to escape again. To think about her had me involuntarily smiling; she was something to remember, but never something to keep. It was only recently, the place I used to go to for solitude began to lose it’s meaning. I could no longer escape in the clasp of Jennifer’s love; instead it was another place of strangulation. She began demanding, requesting for things she had no need in worrying about. Eventually, I grew distant and resumed my position of being stressed and tense, until tonight. Things are starting to work and I’d be damned if a pothole in the road is going to stop me from getting to my destination.

I took my phone and replied back to her text,

‘I think we need to talk, not tonight but later on in the week.’

It didn’t take her long to reply, she was always so responsive.

‘What’s this about Richard? You’re giving me this bullshit line that people throw around when things are coming to an end…’

This wasn’t something I could do over text, it wasn’t even something I wanted to do now, but with the way Jennifer was reacting, had me wondering how bad this could get if I didn’t defuse the situation asap. I went by the staircase and called out to Martha.

“Yeah?”

“I’ll be a few minutes, I have a business call, I won’t be too long, keep my plate warm for me.”

“Sure!” With that I walked back into the bedroom, closing the door behind me and called Jennifer.

“Well Richard?”

“Jennifer relax,” I whispered, “I just wanted to speak with you, I’d prefer to do this on a more personal level, but I could sense you getting agitated via text.”

“Fuck this business like shit Richard, what are you saying?” I could tell this conversation wasn’t going to go anywhere, no matter what direction I tried to attack this matter, the outcome proved to be the same.

“I think, with the way things are going between us-”

“And how’s that Richard, explain that to me? Because in my eyes, you were the one who changed, everything was great…that’s what I thought. And then one day you just lost your spark, so you tell me how things are going, because I was beyond eager to hear your side.”

With a sigh, I continued. “I think we should stick to a platonic relationship.”

“Bullshit Richard! What changed? You wasn’t talking about platonic when we were fucking, you weren’t complaining when I couldn’t speak because I was filled with your-”

“Okay! I understand Jennifer. Things have changed, but they changed even before things got better.”

“What are you referring too when you say ‘things got better’? What with you and Martha huh?” Damn, I didn’t want to bring Martha into this, because I knew that’d just anger her more. I lay on the bed and rolled my eyes, trying to find the words to explain what was inevitably happen between Jennifer and I but I just kept quiet, words failing me.

“So you have nothing to say huh? Well I have loads to say. How dare you do this to me? Do you understand how much I gave you and how much I did for you to use me and throw me aside like a rag doll? I will not be treated like this Richard, I won’t be kept in the dark like a damn secret, I will not! I am worth more than that and you treated me as though I was worth more than that, so I know you love and if it’s fucking Martha that’s got your mind clustered, then we can just clear that by simply telling her about us.”

“What?”

“You heard me, why not let her know about us, because what we have is far more valuable than that shamble of a marriage you were close in ending last month.” I told her far too much during our time together, which is evident now, but making her more angry is not going to help anything. I take a deep breath and try from another angle.

“Okay baby, maybe I was acting irrational, maybe this is just a phase with me and Martha and I don’t want you to feel used, so why not I take you out this Friday after work and we can work on us.”

“No Richard, let her know. It’s about time she knew, what’s the point in hiding anymore – tell Martha you’re done or I will.”

“Jennifer you will not get involved in my marriage, you’ve said enough tonight. Not only have you crossed a line tonight, but you continue to persist with this attitude that you must have assumed I’d take? I don’t, so while I spend tonight with my wife, I want you to relax and tomorrow when I see you at work I want you to speak nothing of this until we’re alone, where I can find a solution.” With that I dropped the phone and sighed in exasperation. I’d let that line of lover and boss get far too clouded and for that reason I had to cut our relationship off. Even though that wasn’t the main reason as to why I wanted to terminate our relationship, it was reason enough for me to tell her, she was beginning to turn into a nuisance, something that she didn’t normally do. However, I’m glad she’s an issue for another day and for now I can focus on the future between my wife and me.

© All Rights Reserved by Sarah E. Balogun